


Between a Rock and a Hollow Place

by Savvi93



Category: Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: AU, M/M, Romance, School, Slice of Life, bangtan - Freeform, bts - Freeform, jikook - Freeform, jinmin - Freeform, vjin, vkook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savvi93/pseuds/Savvi93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When cancer takes Jungkook’s Mother he is sent to his Aunt’s to live, and he thinks adapting to a new school and a new life just won’t be worth the effort of pretending to be okay. However, he learns that the people he meets at the lowest points in his life are the ones who are truly worth keeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inevitability of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> ❯❯┇✖┇ ❝Between a Rock and a Hollow Place❞
> 
> Genre: Romance, angst, drama, slice of life 
> 
> Rating: Mostly PG, may have moments of NC-17
> 
> Characters: Jungkook, Jin, V, Jimin
> 
> Beta: Needed
> 
> Warnings: Mild trigger warnings (mentions of cancer).
> 
> Summary: 
> 
> "He didn’t want to be put into therapy or hospitalized for depression so he was putting on his best mask and trying to pretend like he was okay in front of his Aunt. The moment he was by himself that mask crumpled and fell, he could almost hear the shattering as it hit the floor at his feet. It was so hard to pretend, especially when he just didn’t want to."
> 
> ~.-.-.~
> 
> A/N: This is an AU story about BTS.

It’s not like Jungkook didn’t know it was coming, people didn't just spontaneously come down with cancer and die the next day. It’s a process, a slow, agonizing, awful process that sucks the life out of everyone. Having to watch someone die, someone you love dearly, to see them waste away in front of you and being able to do nothing about it is the worst feeling in the entire world.

 

But it’s also inevitable.

 

So Jungkook knew he would find himself staring blankly at the frozen face of a woman who kind of looked like his mother, but was entirely too still. His mother had been an animated woman, full of life and laughter, to see her this way it was almost like looking at some kind of sick doll. It was life-like but missing that vital spark that would have made it familiar.

 

The funeral dragged on for hours, but Jungkook barely remembered it. Mumbled apologies, broken sobs, and faces that blurred together through a layer of tears that never quite fell, but never left him. He was completely numb to all of it, he was feeling so much at once that he felt absolutely nothing at all. His mother was dead. His only family was gone now, and he was left alone to try to pick up his own pieces.

 

He knew about his Aunt of course, so when the court finally decided what do to with him it wasn’t like he was moving in with a complete stranger, just mostly a stranger. Given that he had met the woman only a handful of times during mandatory holiday celebrations with the extended family. He knew her name, and he knew she had an adopted son but he didn’t know either of them.

 

At first everything had gone in slow motion, his mother’s death, the viewing, the burial, court. It had all trickled by so slowly, but as soon as the judge had decided his fate it was like someone hit ‘live TV’ on the remote. Everything went from slow motion and lagging to suddenly he was standing in an empty room with his lonely box of things held protectively in his arms.

 

His clothes were in a box tucked in the corner, but aside from them he had kept very few personal items. He was supposed to be making a new start, trying to move on from the loss of someone so ingrained in who he was that he felt empty inside now. He was hollow, going through the motions for the sake of other people.

 

He didn’t want to be put into therapy or hospitalized for depression, so he was putting on his best mask and trying to pretend like he was okay in front of his Aunt. The moment he was by himself that mask crumpled and fell, he could almost hear the shattering as it hit the floor at his feet. It was so hard to pretend, especially when he just didn’t want to.

 

He didn’t want to be okay. His mother was dead, and she was never coming back. The only person he knew had loved him unconditionally and would have done anything for him was gone, and he was helpless to do anything for her in the end. She hadn’t even wanted him there, but he had been stubborn, refusing her dying wishes because he was selfish and he wanted to be by her side.

 

Now he was on the other side of the city from home, enrolled in a new school, with a new room, and a new ‘family’. None of it felt real. He was so emotionally detached that he felt like he was just drifting along with the flow. Not even when he walked over and set his box on his bed, opening it and started pulling out his stuff did any of it really sink in. He wasn’t sure if it ever would. He would just kind of float in this space between sensation and perception.

 

It only took him a half an hour to fully unpack, his clothes taking up most of that time. When he was finished his room still looked bare, except there was a laptop on the desk by the window now. A picture frame on the stand beside the bed with his favorite picture of himself and his mother. Inside that stand was the photo album his mother had been working on since he was born, it was supposed to have been a graduation gift. She had always made a big deal about adding new photos into it, telling him he’d thank her for it one day. He wished he had been more grateful back then.

 

In the closet his jackets were hung up, the rest of his clothes folded up in the dresser. His bookbag was leaning against the desk and that was all he had bothered to bring. The rest of his things his Aunt had insisted on getting boxed up were being stored in a garage somewhere incase he ‘changed his mind’.

 

“Jungkook, sweetie, how are you settling in?” His Aunt asked, a pretty and delicate looking woman with her hair cut short in a bob that framed her face. She was his Mother’s younger sister, and had inherited none of her outspoken and quirky qualities. She was quiet and rather reserved, soft spoken. She was an ideal mother type but Jungkook felt no real affection towards her at all, other than what was required between family members. He was thankful for her taking him in, but she would never be able to replace his mother, no matter how kind she was.

 

“I’m unpacked,” Jungkook replied, knowing that wasn’t the answer she was looking for. The concern on her face was making Jungkook’s stomach churn uncomfortably. He was getting physically sick of the pity, it was a bitter reminder screaming at him from the faces of everyone he looked at anymore. He didn’t need reminded, the aching emptiness in his chest was as painfully prominent as ever.

 

“Dinner will be ready soon, I hope you’ll come down and at least try to eat a few bites,” She murmured gently, a soft smile only emphasized the pity in every line of her face and Jungkook had to look away. He had no appetite whatsoever, but he knew he had to go down there anyway. He forced his head to nod a few times until she left the room. As soon as she was gone he just stared blankly at the floor. He had no idea what do to with himself anymore.

 

His cellphone was sitting on his pillow turned off, like it had been since his mother died. He didn’t talk to his friends anymore, he couldn’t. All he heard from them was ‘I’m so sorry’ ‘Are you going to be okay?’ ‘It will get better’. He knew they were just trying to help but he didn’t need generic useless phrases like that. He knew they were sorry, the whole world was sorry, he wasn’t going to be okay and it certainly wasn’t going to get better. He didn’t want to hear it.

 

“Yo, Mom said you were unpacked already,” A voice said from the doorway, it was deeper than Jungkook had been expecting and glancing up he realized why. It was his ‘cousin’ Jimin standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the doorframe and looking around with a lazy smile. “You really did pack light, whoa man is that a macbook? Lucky, I can’t afford one of those. I put all my money into a car.” He chuckled and smiled, it was an easy and natural expression on his face and Jungkook could tell he wasn’t forcing himself to make small talk. He just genuinely seemed like a social kind of person, and the only one so far that wasn’t looking at him with pity.

 

“What kind of car did you buy?” Jungkook found himself asking, he didn’t really care, he was just being polite. Neutral topics were safe, they were almost a relief a buoy he could cling to in the middle of the ever restless ocean of thoughts and feelings inside him.

 

Jimin’s bright smile was almost infectious, if Jungkook hadn’t felt so utterly detached he may have even smiled back. “2007 black mustang. It’s awesome, I can show it to you after dinner if you want? That thing is my baby, I’d been saving up for two years before I got my license to make sure I had enough to buy it.”

 

“I don’t have my license yet,” Jungkook admitted with a small shrug, deciding not to comment one way or the other about seeing the car. He didn’t really want to, he didn’t much care about cars, but he didn’t want to be rude either. He was supposed to be trying, attempting to be social. Jimin was clearly trying and Jungkook couldn’t just shut him down even if he wanted to. He preferred to be alone, but at the same time the simple conversation was refreshing.

 

“Really? I knew you were younger than me but I wasn’t sure by how much. I’m 17, a junior. How old are you?” Jimin asked, tipping his head to the side and grinning that bright, infectious smile again that Jungkook felt strangely compelled to mirror but he squashed the feeling quickly.

 

“16, I’m a sophomore,” Jungkook explained, glancing up at Jimin before looking away,y his gaze focusing on the rather ugly brown carpet that covered the floor of his room. This had apparently just been a spare room they had quickly converted into a bedroom, they had cleaned as best as they could but the carpet was still slightly gray from the sheer amount of dust that had settled into over the years.

 

“Really? I thought you were a freshman no offense.” Jimin chuckled and straightened up when a shout from downstairs filtered up to them. “Dinners ready, you coming?” He asked, turning and pausing as he looked back at Jungkook. “I’m sure she went over board again, she stress cooks.”

 

Jungkook let out an inaudible sigh before he nodded. “Yeah, I’m coming,” He murmured, following Jimin out into the hallway and down the set of stairs. The dining room was just to the left of the stairs and the table was a giant oak masterpiece that Jungkook’s mother had always been envious of. It was artistic and huge, taking up most of the room and it looked almost comical with the little three member family sitting around it.

 

There was a forth plate set up next to Jimin and Jungkook was a little shocked by the sheer amount of food on the table. There were noodles, rice, bean sprouts, at least three different kinds of meats and about four vegetables. All of them seemed to be prepared a little differently and Jungkook had to wonder how long she’d been cooking to manage all of this. He took a seat at the empty place and put a few vegetables onto his plate as well as some rice. Trying to at least look like he was trying even though he hadn’t felt hungry in weeks.

 

“I hope you like it, I wasn’t sure what you liked. Jiminnie likes spicy food, but I wasn’t sure if you did so I made a little of everything,” His Aunt explained, wringing her napkin nervously as she smiled at Jungkook.

 

“I’m sure it’s fine Minhee,” Jungkook’s uncle, a strict looking man with a goatee and graying hairs at his temple assured her with a smile that softened his features immensely. “Your cooking is always delicious.”

 

Minhee blushed and Jungkook was surprised by how light hearted they acted. If he didn’t know better he’d think they were newly married, but he still remembered their wedding when he was about six or seven. They had adopted Jimin almost immediately after. His own mother had her string of boyfriends but none of them stuck, she was too engrossed and in love with motherhood to worry about having a man around. She always told Jungkook that he was her little miracle and the best thing that ever happened to her.

 

The memory was painful and Jungkook focused on his food, spearing a green bean on his fork and taking a bite. He ate slowly, letting the conversation around him  flow right over his head. He didn’t know if any of them tried talking to him or not, he didn’t respond if they did. He just ate one slow bite after another until his plate was empty and his stomach felt uncomfortably full.

 

He didn’t snap out of his daze until the chair beside him scraped loudly against the tile floor and Jimin stood up. “Thanks for dinner Mom it was awesome,” He said, taking his plate and even picking up Jungkook’s and carrying them to the kitchen sink. He cleaned them and set them on a rack to dry before he went back to the dining room. “Yo, Jungkook, you play video games at all?” He asked, and it took Jungkook a few seconds to realize he was being asked a question.

 

“Umm...” He trailed off, waiting for his brain to slowly process what Jimin had said before he finished speaking. “Yeah, a little,” He said, slowly standing up and pushing his chair back in.

 

“Cool, come on then I have a pretty sweet video game collection,” Jimin insisted with that bright grin that Jungkook was starting to realize what just one of his characteristics. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to it though, it looked foreign and too bright in his floundering, drowning, world.

 

Jimin lead the way back up the stairs to his own bedroom, it was bigger than Jungkook’s and messy. There were clothes all over the floor, books scattered across the desk, the blankets on the bed were in a heap near the end. The only thing that was neat was the shelves beside the TV that nearly reached the ceiling, and even Jungkook had to admit he was a little impressed by the sheer number of games that Jimin possessed.

 

There were over sized bean bags situated in front of the TV, entirely too close to be good for eyesight but typical of a teenager. They looked comfortable though and Jungkook sank into one at Jimin’s insistence. Saying no to Jimin was going to be difficult it seemed, Jimin was so determined to try to make him act normal and Jungkook was simply going along with it. He was too tired to fight anyway.

 

He took the remote that was handed to him and let Jimin pick the game, which ended up being some kind of racing game that Jungkook failed miserably at. He either drove off the track, or ended up driving the wrong way. He hadn’t been one for video games before, and now he remembered why.

 

An hour later Jimin finally had mercy on him and turned off the playstation 3, laughing so loudly it make Jungkook wince internally. “Man you totally suck!” He exclaimed, shaking his head. “Most people get better as they play, but I think you got worse.”

 

Jungkook huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning back in the beanbag chair and crossing his arms over his chest, “Excuse me for having a life and not wasting it in front of the TV,” He grumbled, realizing with shock a moment later that he was almost acting normal. He had almost been having fun.

 

He had only been here less than a day, and he was already acting like this? A wave of self-loathing hit him just then and he stood up, mumbling a half hearted apology before he all but ran out of the room. Escaping into his own bedroom and slamming the door shut.

 

He didn’t want to be adjusting, he didn’t want to be moving on. His mother had just died, and here he was having fun? It had been less than a month since he watched her be put into the ground. The guilt that choked him was physically painful and he doubled over, clutching his stomach tightly and trying to keep down the little bit of food he had eaten.

 

He ignored Jimin’s knocking on his door and the concern in his tone as he asked him if he was alright. He didn’t want to talk to Jimin, he didn’t want to be distracted or pulled away from his grief. He wanted to feel it as raw and painful as it was because it was all that he had left of his Mother now.

 

He wasn’t ready to let her go yet, he couldn’t function without her. She had been his best friend, his biggest supporter, and his sole confidant. He wasn’t ready to face the fact that she would never seen him graduate, never seen him get married, and never hold her grandchildren.

 

He would cling tightly to his grief instead, he would miss her every moment of every day, and he wouldn’t move on. Not yet, not so soon. He appreciated Jimin for trying, and he wasn’t upset with his cousin. He was upset with himself, how could he forget his grief for even a second? Didn’t his mother mean more to him than that? She didn’t deserve to be forgotten so easily.

 

As Jungkook climbed onto the unfamiliar bed he set his phone on the stand and picked up the picture. His fingers drifting over the smooth glass as he looked at the beautiful smiling face he would never see again.

 

“I miss you, Mom.” He whispered as his eyes filled with tears he finally allowed to fall.


	2. Rewind to Sensibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Chapter Warning! Mentions of drugs.

Jungkook didn’t want to wake up, he didn’t want to open his eyes and be forced to face the ugliness of the world again. However there was an insistent rapping sound that was forcefully pulling him out of the blissful oblivion of sleep.

 

“Jungkook! Jungkook! Honey, you have school, it’s time to get up,” his Aunt’s voice was quickly starting to grate on his nerves and when the door to his room flew open he knew he was going to learn to hate it here.

 

“Mom!” Another voice chimed in, and Jungkook groaned and rolled over, pulling the blankets over his head because it was too early to deal with Jimin too.

 

“Seriously Mom? He doesn’t want to go to school yet, give him some time to adjust,” Jimin scolded, and Jungkook heard his door being pulled shut, but it did little to muffle their conversation.

 

“But he needs to get a normal schedule back,” his Aunt argued but she was already starting to sound uncertain.

 

“Well sure, but you don’t have to shove it down his throat. Give him a couple of days, we’re doing a bunch of stupid testing today and tomorrow anyway he doesn’t need to be there,” Jimin explained, and he heard their footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

 

Jungkook relaxed again once they were gone, honestly grateful for Jimin’s intervention because he really hadn’t wanted to go to school yet. He understood why his Aunt wanted him to get back to school and to try to be normal but he didn’t want to put in the effort right then.

 

Going to school meant facing hundreds of new people who would ask too many questions, and too many nosy teachers who would force him to introduce himself every class period. He didn’t want to deal with that, he just wanted to sleep the rest of his life away.

 

He pulled the blanket up over his head and tried to drown out his life so he could go back to sleep where at least breathing didn’t hurt anymore.

 

 

~.-.-.~

 

Of course Jungkook new school was inevitable. So when he finally couldn’t hide behind Jimin’s constant excuses anymore, and his Aunt stopped letting him spend all day in bed, he found himself climbing into Jimin’s mustang at 5:45am dressed and ready for his first new day of hell.

 

“I’m sorry Jungkook. I tried to get her to let you stay home this week, but she worries too much,” Jimin explained with an apologetic smile as he started the car. “I bought you a few days though, are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 

“Does it matter?” Jungkook asked, leaning his forehead against the cool window and closing his eyes. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be talking to Jimin sitting in his car on his way to school.

 

“I can drop you off at the mall, tell the principal you weren’t ready after all. You can get away with that for a day or two,” Jimin offered with a shrug.

 

Jungkook sat up and looked at Jimin, his eyes were on the road but from his profile he didn’t look like he was joking. It was a really tempting offer. “Why are you trying so hard to help me?” He asked, he didn’t get Jimin’s angle at all. They weren’t friends, they didn’t even know each other.

 

“Well, I mean, we’re supposed to be family right? I know you’re trying but you’re not really okay. You don’t need pressure to try to go to school. I don’t see how that would help anyway.” Jimin shrugged and glanced over at Jungkook with that smile of his that was grating on Jungkook almost as much as his Aunt’s sweet voice.

 

“I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me,” Jungkook said his tone clipped, turning back to stare blankly out the window. He appreciated Jimin’s offer but it wouldn’t do him any good to keep hiding. He was miserable no matter what, he could be miserable at school as easily as he could be miserable at the mall.

 

Unfortunately Jungkook wasn’t prepared for having a popular cousin, so when the car was immediately surrounded by giggling girls and rowdy boys he was immediately on the defensive. He had to fight his way out of the car and he ignored the questions pelted at him as he shouldered his book bag.

 

“Yo, leave him alone,” Jimin’s loud shout quieted the crowd and they parted for him so he could stand beside Jungkook. “This is my cousin, he’s living with us now. That’s all you guys need to know,” He said, eyeing a few of the guys who immediately tried to fire more questions at Jungkook.

 

Jungkook shook his head and walked away, pushing past the few people who didn’t move out of his way fast enough. He didn’t want to be the center of attention, he didn’t need Jimin being over protective. He could take care of himself, he had to now.

 

He followed the helpful signs to the main office and walked inside, the woman behind the desk was slightly overweight and her clothes were a size or two too small. Her hair was dyed blonde and she was wearing just a touch too much make up, all in all Jungkook thought she looked like she was trying entirely too hard.

 

“Excuse me?” He murmured when he reached the counter, the woman looked up at him and smiled, revealing perfectly unnaturally white teeth.

 

“Are you Jungkook? Your Aunt called us earlier, she said you’d be in today,” The woman said, she had the kind of nasally voice that made Junkook wince internally. She handed him a schedule and a map of the school so he wouldn’t get lost. She also gave him a piece of paper with his locker number and combination.

 

“The first bell will ring in about fifteen minutes, your teachers all know your situation so you don’t have to worry,” She told him with a smile that was probably meant to be reassuring but it just made Jungkook stomach turn. He was glad he had refused breakfast that morning. “Oh, your aunt wanted us to give you this.” She handed him another packet of papers about their school guidance counselor and helpful hints to deal with depression.

 

He took the papers and bowed his head before he left the room, tossing the top packet of papers into the first trash can he found. He didn’t need to see the counselor, he wasn’t going to talk to some stranger about his problems. No matter how many times people tried to push him into it.

 

He found his locker after a few minutes of searching, and he noticed with mild annoyance that the hallway was crowded. Or at least the section of hallway his locker happened to be located in was so packed with people he couldn’t even reach his locker.

 

“Come on Taehyung! You have to join the talent show!” Some girl said, her hair curled, the bottom half of it dyed pink, and her clothes were just shy of being against the dress code. She was gushing over some guy who seemed to be in the center of the group.

 

He was tall with orange colored hair, and he was sucking on a lollipop and tapping at his phone. He slipped it into his pocket when the girl spoke and looked at her with an expression that said he couldn't possibly care less. “Just because my brother is in a band doesn’t mean I have to join anything,” He answered bluntly, looking rather bored but it only seemed to encourage the girls as they giggled and whispered to each other.

 

“But we’ve heard you sing! You’re so good Taehyung!” Another girl whined, batting her eye lashes and trying to be cute as she hugged the arm of the first girl.

 

“Yeah, yeah, the answer is still no.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and turned around to face his locker, fiddling with the combination lock.

 

“Jimin is entering,” One of the guys spoke up, a sly grin stretching across his face. Taehyung had frozen and slowly turned around, his eyes narrowed into slits as he glared at the boy who spoke.

 

“He is? For what? He has no talent,” Taehyung snapped, frowning and looking annoyed.

 

“He was the lead in the musicals for the last three years,” A different boy spoke up, rolling his eyes and yelping when Taehyung’s lollipop sailed through air and managed to get tangled in his hair.

 

“And I played a lead role too!” Taehyung snapped, huffing and growling as he turned back to his locker, finally and rather violently pulling it open.

 

“Yeah, because Jin loves the musicals.” A girl giggled, squealing when Taehyung glared at her and she quickly hurried away with another two girls trailing behind her.

 

The group slowly started to thin out after that, a bit more joking and teasing was thrown at the Taehyung guy and Jungkook could finally slip up to his locker. It was only two down from Taehyungs and Junkook sincerely hoped this wouldn’t happen every single morning.

 

“Hey, what the hell are you doing in Jin’s locker?” Taehyung suddenly snapped at him, and when Jungkook looked up he saw Taehyung entirely too close and looking very pissed off.

 

Jungkook blinked and took a hesitant step back, looking down at the locker he had been assigned and up to the locker number to make sure he had it right. “Umm...”

 

“Calm down Taehyung, he’s my locker buddy now,” Another voice pipped up from behind Jungkook. He looked back and saw a handsome boy, with reddish hair and naturally pink plush lips. His smile was kind as he looked from Jungkook to Taehyung.

 

“When did you get assigned a new locker partner?” Taehyung demanded, his tone softening a little but only when he was looking at Jin. He still looked pissed when he looked backed down at Jungkook.

 

“Since Jungkook moved in with Jimin,” Jin explained with a shrug and a smile as he stepped around Jungkook to open the locker. Ignoring Taehyung’s rather loud cursing and the bang that resonated down the hallway as he punched his own locker hard enough to make his knuckles bleed.

 

“You’re sharing a locker with Jimin’s cousin? Are you serious? Does god just hate me? This is bullshit. You," Taehyung snapped, pointing at Jungkook and stalking closer until his finger was pressed against Jungkook’s chest. “Find a new locker.”

 

“Oh knock it off Taehyung, he’s fine with me,” Jin scoffed, rolling his eyes and pulling Taehyung away from Jungkook. “Don’t worry, Taehyung’s not as bad as he acts. He likes to pretend to be tough because his big brother is in a rock band,” He explained with a chuckle as he gently pushed Taehyung further down the hallway. “Good luck on your first day Jungkook, and welcome to Seoul Prep.”

 

Jungkook sighed heavily as he put his bookbag in the locker, making sure not to bump any of Jin’s stuff. Thankfully the locker was plenty big enough for all their stuff and Jungkook managed to arrange his notebooks and laptop around Jin’s.

 

He grabbed a notebook and a pencil and closed the locker door just as a bell rang loudly through the hallways signaling the start of the school day. Jungkook didn’t want to go to class though, he had already dealt with too much excitement that day and instead of following the crowds of people headed to class he headed for the door to the student parking lot.

 

He pushed the doors open and walked outside, going down the set of steps and turning to walk along the side walk. He found a section of grass tucked near the wall of the school building where a bush had been dug up at one point or another and they had apparently never bothered to replace it. The noticeable hole in the line of bushes along the back of the building seemed like the perfect place to hide to Jungkook. So he sat down and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes.

 

He gave himself a few minutes to just calm down from the overwhelming excitement of the morning. He had been expecting school to be bland, something he could coast through and he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone or pay attention to anything.

 

He hadn’t expected Jimin to be popular, and he hadn’t wanted a locker with a popular kid, two lockers down from another popular kid. Sure, he’d been popular enough in his old school, but that was before. When being social was as easy as breathing, and his life revolved around his friends.

 

Now, he just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t want to have to interact with people. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face there, trying to keep control of his emotions before he started crying. He just wanted to go home, but he had no home left to go to.

 

Eventually he calmed down enough to pick up his notebook again, flipping open to the first page and grabbed his pencil. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do, he just started writing.

 

‘I rewind my girl baby come back to my world

I rewind my girl come back

 

Do you think that makes sense?

Without anyone knowing, as if everything’s fine

Just by seeing your face, I am crying

 

Explain it, explain it

My baby explain it

It hurts so much but even now I’m thinking of you

Love is not over, it doesn’t make sense

Story is not over, it doesn’t make sense

Talk is not over, it doesn’t make sense still

Problem is not over, it doesn’t make sense’

 

He was so absorbed in the poem he was writing, he had altered it to sound more like a broken love story just in case someone saw it. He wasn’t expecting the notebook to suddenly get yanked out of his hands, he looked up to see a bored looking Taehyung with a cigarette resting between his lips.

 

“What the hell is this?” He asked, frowning a little as he read it over, nearly dropping ashes onto the notebook as he seemed to forget about the cigarette he was smoking. “It’s not bad actually, you ever considered writing song lyrics?” He asked, handing the notebook back and Jungkook clung to it, hugging it to his chest tightly.

 

“Umm no,” Jungkook mumbled, a little confused as to why Taehyung was here and talking to him. His peaceful moment was shattered yet again, he was starting to get tired of this. He just wanted to be alone but it seemed like the entire universe was against him.

 

“You should consider it,” Taehyung said, standing beside him and exhaling smoke, glancing down at him again. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

 

“Trying to be alone,” Jungkook admitted with a sigh, pulling his legs back up to his chest and resting his head on them.

 

“Is it working?” He asked, chuckling and flicking ashes into the bush beside him. “You’re in my smoke break spot, so you’ll have to find your own spot to claim next time.”

 

Jungkook nodded absently but didn’t say anything. Taehyung clearly couldn’t take a hint and apparently Jungkook was the one invading someone else’s space this time. He missed his old school for a moment, he knew where he could go to be alone there. Here, he had no idea at all. He was lost and frustrated and everything just hurt.

 

His head was aching and his chest felt hollow, he felt empty and yet his body felt like it was filled with lead. He hated it, nothing felt right anymore. The colors around him seemed bleached out, and people faded into nothing but aggravating noise and emotional turmoil.

 

The overwhelming stress was giving him a migraine and he just wanted it all to stop. He should have taken Jimin up on his offer and skipped school, he couldn’t handle this and he didn’t know how he believed he could.

 

“Hello? Earth to Jimin’s cousin?” Taehyung’s voice finally penetrated his rapidly spiraling thoughts and brought Jungkook’s head back up slightly.

 

“My name is Jungkook,” He mumbled, and Taehyung blinked before he smiled, the cigarette was gone so he must have finished smoking.

 

“Yeah, sure, Jungkook, you seem kinda stressed you know,” Taehyung said with a grin that looked almost maniacal as he pulled out what looked like a small badly rolled cigarette from his pocket. “Here, my brother gave it to me, I was going to pawn it off to the druggies who hang out by the basketball court, but you look like you need it more.”

 

“What is it?” Jungkook asked, frowning a little bit as he looked at the thing, not reaching for it because he didn’t think this was such a good idea. Then again, he was so miserable he wasn’t so sure he he cared anymore. He just wanted the pain to stop, so he finally reached up to take the blunt.

 

“What do you think?” Taehyung chuckled and handed him a lighter, Jungkook was about to take it when an angry shout startled them both and then Taehyung was suddenly slammed against the brick wall by a furious Jimin.

 

“What the actual fuck Taehyung?!” He snarled, his hands balled into Taehyung’s shirt and he was so livid his face was starting to turn red. “Are you fucking giving my cousin drugs? I knew you were a piece of shit!”

 

Jungkook was so startled by Jimin’s sudden entrance he dropped the blunt and scrambled to his feet, his eyes wide and he hated to admit he could feel tears burning in them. “I don’t need you to play hero! I just want to be alone!” He screamed, spinning around and running. He didn’t know where he was going and he ignored Jimin’s shout after him. He just wanted to find somewhere he wouldn’t be interrupted. He wanted to wallow in his own misery and self pity because it was easier.

 

He didn’t even notice that he left his notebook behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Remember, say no to drugs! I do not endorse drug use whatsoever! Also I do not own the poem/lyrics that Jungkook wrote. They were not originally written, nor my idea at all, though I did edit them slightly.


	3. Uncharted Gray

“Jungkook! The school called today... where are you going?” Minhee demanded, her hands on her hips and a concerned frown accenting the wrinkles that were starting to appear on her face.

 

Jungkook ignored her and headed upstairs, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone. Not Jimin, not his Aunt, no one. He was just glad his Uncle didn’t get home until a little later so he wasn’t there to yell at him too.

 

“Jungkook!” Minhee shouted, the slamming of Jungkook’s door her only answer. He could hear her angry footsteps coming up the stairs and he groaned as he collapsed onto the bed, dumping his bookbag on the floor.

 

“Mom, come on chill,” Jimin’s pleading reached Jungkook and he just shook his head with an annoyed sigh. “Taehyung was being a jerk today and Jungkook didn’t have a great morning so he ditched. It’s no big deal I promise.”

 

“He said he was ready!” Minhee argued, sounding upset now, but it stirred nothing in Jungkook. He just wanted them to stop and go away already.

 

“No Mom, you said he was ready. He told you he didn’t want to go, I told you he wasn’t ready,” Jimin shot back, he almost sounded angry and it surprised Jungkook a little.

 

Jimin had been siding with him since he moved in a week ago. He’d been playing the suffocating role of big brother meshed with hero and it was driving Jungkook insane. He hadn’t asked Jimin to do any of this and it frustrated him to no end because he didn’t understand what Jimin’s motivation was.

 

The two continued to argue outside of Jungkook’s room for a few minutes before he heard someone storm down the stairs and he assumed by the crash of pans a moment later it was probably Minhee.

 

A knock sounded at Jungkook’s door a second later and it creaked open a couple of inches. “Hey,” Jimin murmured, stepping inside without being invited and leaning sheepishly against the door as he closed it. “Are you alright?”

 

Jungkook sighed and sat up slowly, he hadn’t spoke a word to Jimin since his mini explosion earlier that day. He had a headache that wouldn’t go away and he really just wanted to throw something at Jimin and make him leave him alone.

 

“No, I’m not,” Jungkook finally answered, his tone a little harsher than he meant for it to be but he couldn’t bring himself to feel apologetic.

 

“I’m sorry about my mom, she means well, and Taehyung’s just a dick, you should stay away from him...” Jimin said, looking a little uncomfortable and he wouldn’t quite look at Jungkook.

 

“I don’t need you standing up for me,” Jungkook said irritably, rubbing his temples and shaking his head. “What is your deal anyway? You won’t leave me alone and you treat me like some kind of damsel in distress. I just want to be alone, that’s it.”

 

Jimin winced but Jungkook missed it, his eyes closed trying to will away the pounding in his head. “I’m sorry...I just -- you just look like you could use someone to lean on,” He murmured, starting to say something and changing his mind half way through.

 

Jungkook frowned and looked at Jimin finally, “Well you’re wrong. I don’t need you. I need my--, I don’t need anyone.” He started but his tone died off and he was barely mumbling as he finished. He wanted to say he needed his Mother, but that would have just made him sound exactly as pathetic as Jimin seemed to see him.

 

“If you say so. I’ll leave you alone then,” Jimin said softly, turning and twisting the handle to pull the door open again.

 

“Why do you care?” Jungkook finally asked, it was bothering him so much because he didn’t understand what Jimin had to gain from all of this. He was being forced to share his parents, his house, his life with some kid he barely knew. Why was he being so nice about everything? Jungkook just didn’t understand Jimin’s angle no matter how much he thought about it.

 

Jimin slowly turned back around and he sighed heavily as he shrugged one shoulder. “Because I remember what it was like,” He admitted, causing Jungkook to frown in confusion so Jimin continued. “Losing my parents. I remember the accident that killed them, and how lost and confused I felt when they were suddenly just gone.”

 

Jungkook was shocked into a silence for a few seconds before he found the words to speak again. “I didn’t know that. I... I guess I never really thought about how you got into the foster system,” He admitted, starting to feel guilty now.

 

Jimin smiled, a smaller version than his normally infectious sunny smile but it softened his eyes and Jungkook felt his cheeks heating up just slightly in response. “It’s okay, I don’t think about it much anymore either. I mean Minhee and Hyunwoo are my parents as far as I’m concerned. I just, I mean I have an idea, of what you’re going through and I wanted to try to help as much as I could so you knew you weren’t alone,” He explained, walking over and sitting down on the edge of Jungkook’s bed.

 

“But I’ve been nothing but a dick to you...” Jungkook pointed out slowly, moving his feet so Jimin could sit down. He really felt guilty now, he’d been so mean to Jimin this whole week and all Jimin was honestly trying to do was help him.

 

“Hey, it’s alright. I only had seven years with my real parents, you had sixteen years with your mother. I honestly can’t even imagine how much more it hurts for you. So I get it, you don’t have to apologize,” Jimin assured him, reaching out and resting a hand on Jungkook’s ankle. “And I’ll fight with my parents over this as much as I have to. They need to get off your case.”

 

“No, they don’t...” Jungkook sighed and shook his head, his bangs flopping into his face and he pushed them back impatiently. He was going to have to get them trimmed soon, they were starting to get too long again. “I shouldn’t have skipped, I just can’t handle it. I thought I could but... I just couldn’t,” He admitted in a shaky whisper. He could feel the tears burning his eyes again and he tried to fight them. He hated being so weak.

 

“It’s hard to act normal when nothing feels normal,” Jimin pointed out gently, giving Jungkook’s ankle a reassuring squeeze. “I mean, just being in a brand new school full of strangers is a blatant reminder of why you’re here in the first place.”

 

Jungkook bit his bottom lip as it started trembling, “I m-miss her,” He whispered, the dam breaking and as soon as the first tear fell he couldn’t hold them back. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly, trying to hold himself together even as he was sobbing.

 

He felt the bed move and arms wrapped around him, he let Jimin pull him against his chest and he didn’t bother to fight him off. Jimin was stronger than him anyway, physically, probably emotionally too. Jungkook just fell apart in his arms, babbling complete nonsense and repetitions of ‘I miss her’ and ‘I want my mom back’, mixed with some ‘it’s not fair’s.

 

Jimin just hugged him tightly and did his best to reassure him even when they both knew Jungkook was inconsolable. The loss of his mother had left a deep hole in his heart and it was going to take more than words to fill the empty space and make the pain stop.

 

“You don’t have to pretend to be okay Jungkook,” Jimin whispered, “It’s okay to miss her, break down in the middle of class if you want to. It’s a great way to get out of tests you’re not ready for,” He murmured, trying to joke a little bit and Jungkook did crack a small smile but it only brought on a fresh round of sobs.

 

“I j-just hurts a-all the t-time,” Jungkook sobbed, hiccuping so badly he almost couldn’t breathe anymore. He had to force himself to calm down just so he could take in a breath again, the tightness in his chest and the dizziness faded a little with each breath he took and he was almost calmed down after a couple of seconds but he was shaking badly.

 

“Of course it does,” Jimin agreed, pulling out a tissue from his pocket, and in the back of Jungkook’s mind he wondered if Jimin had been keeping them there just in case this exact kind of situation came up. “She was your mom, not your cat. You gotta cut yourself a little slack here, no one except my mom is expecting you to be over this. And honestly, I still hear her crying after she goes to bed at night.”

 

Jungkook rubbed his cheeks with the tissue before he blew his nose, really hoping it hadn’t been running and he didn’t have snot dripping down his face. He didn’t need to be more pathetic than he already was. “Will it ever get better?” He whispered, looking up at Jimin, his eyes puffy and blood shot and still wet with tears.

 

“Honestly? I don’t think it gets better, but it does get easier,” Jimin admitted, gently brushing away a stray tear on Jungkook’s face, he felt his cheeks heating up again and he was suddenly very aware of just how close Jimin was and the fact that he still had his arms around him.

 

“I h-hope so...” Jungkook whispered, his voice shaking a little more and this time it didn’t have to do with the uneven breathing and occasional stubborn hiccup. He was calming down a lot faster than he thought he would and he had a feeling it was because of the sudden uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

“It will, I’ll make sure of it,” Jimin promised, smiling again and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds it was so bright. Jungkook almost felt like he had to shield his eyes from the radiance of it, and the way his cheeks were heating up he was almost afraid he was getting a sunburn.

 

Jungkook nodded slowly, at a loss for words. He was so confused, he didn’t know what was going on anymore. He had been upset, and it wasn’t like the pain had stopped, he could still feel the intense hollow ache in his chest, but the butterflies in his stomach were momentarily louder as he looked up at Jimin.

 

He was very very aware of the fact that Jimin was solid muscle, and he wasn’t unattractive either. He was good looking, with a winning smile and a personality to match. For a moment Jungkook’s eyes traveled down to Jimin’s lips and that’s when he realized what he was doing and jerked away.

 

“I-I I’m s-sorry...” Jungkook stammered, blushing darker and ducking his head down, trying to calm his racing heart. He couldn’t believe he had just, even for a fraction of a second, considered kissing his own cousin. Granted they weren’t actually related but still, that was a gray area he didn’t want to explore.

 

“For what?” Jimin asked, frowning in confusion. He seemed completely oblivious to Jungkook’s thoughts and Jungkook tried to calm himself down so he didn’t make this more awkward than he already was.

 

“I...e-everything. I guess,” He mumbled lamely, trying to will the blush from his cheeks so he could look up at Jimin again. “Th-thanks though, I appreciate you being here,” He whispered, his cheeks heating up all over again and he was forced to duck his head back down.

 

“You’re welcome, you can hang out in here the rest of the night if you want? I can bring you dinner up later,” Jimin offered, grinning as he stood up, the door closing down stairs catching both their attention. “Ah crap, dad’s home. I’ll go run interference,” He said, shaking his head and heading towards the door.

 

“Hey Jimin...” Jungkook called after the other, fiddling the hem of his shirt to calm his nerves as best as he could, he shouldn’t feel so nervous just talking to Jimin. What was wrong with him all of a sudden? “Thank you, seriously, for everything you’ve done.”

 

Jimin just grinned and nodded before he slipped out of the room and closed Jungkook’s door behind him, leaving him alone on the bed with his confused thoughts.

 

Jungkook didn’t know if this was some kind of rebound, or if it was just that he was so desperate for feel a connection with someone he was clinging to the first person who showed him affection. But he did know what a crush felt like, and he knew something had changed in him today. He just hoped Jimin hadn’t noticed, and that Jungkook could squash it before it got any further.

 

His mother had barely been dead for a month, he was emotionally unstable and he was vulnerable. It was only natural to form strong attachments to people he normally wouldn’t at times like these, at least that’s what he was trying to convince himself of. He just wished he was as sure of that as he wanted to be.

 

Jungkook picked up his phone from where it had been sitting on his bedside table and finally turned it on, he needed something to distract him from his thoughts and deleting the pile up of messages he knew he had was almost a welcome respite.

 

His phone buzzed nearly non-stop for a good fifteen minutes. He didn’t bother to read the messages or listen to the voicemails. He just deleted them all, he already knew what they said. Some variation of how sorry they were and they hoped he was alright, morphing into questions of where he was and when he’d be back to school, and probably even a few rants from his old friends about how he’d just abandoned them and wouldn’t even tell them if he was okay.

 

He didn’t know why he couldn’t bring himself to talk to them, but he wanted to cut off ties to his old life. He didn’t need reminded of the friends he had lost on top of the home he would never see again. His friends would only have put up with his changed personality for so long before they gave up on him.

 

He knew wasn’t the same Jungkook they had befriended and they wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t just get over his loss and go back to being himself. At least here he didn’t have to explain himself to anyone, they didn’t know him. They wouldn’t know he wasn’t quiet, that he didn’t keep to himself, and he didn’t prefer to work alone, because now he did.

 

Before his Mother’s death he’d been a lot like Jimin, a little more goofy and a lot more carefree. He hadn’t been worried about anything and rarely took things seriously. Now, he couldn’t recognize himself inside or out.

 

Maybe he was being unfair to his old friends, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he finished deleting the messages and turned his phone off again. He was going to have to ask his aunt for a new one. He wanted a new number so he wouldn’t have to worry about his old life trying to get into contact with him again.

 

He sat up and reached for his book bag, unzipping the main pocket and pulling out his laptop, setting it aside and frowning slightly as he dug through the notebooks trying to find the one he’d been writing in earlier. He wanted to finish that poem, he thought he’d put it in here but he couldn’t find it anywhere.

 

He chewed on his lip in thought as he tried to remember what he’d done with it, he’d gotten it back from Taehyung, and then Jimin had showed up. Jungkook had left after that but... he hadn’t brought the notebook with him. He’d ended up beneath the bleachers at the soccer field, hiding out there until school had ended.

 

He must had left the notebook behind at the school. Groaning softly he stood up and headed for the door, pausing after he gripped the handle. He’d have to go find Jimin, which meant talking to Jimin. He felt a nervous thrill down his spine and he quickly shook his head. He needed to stop thinking like this.

 

He yanked the door open and headed down the stairs, deciding to brave his aunt and uncle and see if Jimin was still downstairs. He needed to get his notebook back, that was it. He just wanted to finish the poem.

 

He didn’t have a crush. Definitely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This fic doesn't have a specific pairing just yet. Please keep that in mind. Who ends up with who has everything to do with how the story writes itself, and nothing to do with any comments I may receive. Though I do appreciate comments letting me know what you think of the story so far! <3


	4. A Brighter Enigma

Jungkook’s sock covered feet made no noise as he padded down the stairs, pausing at the bottom and peeking into the dinner room. He was relieved to see that his aunt and uncle were still in the kitchen. His uncle's back was to him, so he wasn’t worried about them seeing him.

 

He snuck past the dining room doorway and into the living room. He spotted the top of Jimin’s snapback and sighed in relief. He walked over to the back of the couch and chewed on his lip before he spoke. “Hey Jimin?”

 

Jimin jumped a little in surprise and tipped his head back, looking up at Jungkook with a smile. “Hey, everything alright?” He asked, his smile replaced quickly by a look of concern. He was playing a gameboy DS, it looked like one of the new pokemon games, but Jungkook wasn’t sure.

 

“Uh yeah, everything’s just fine. I was just wondering... umm earlier at school when you found me with Taehyung. Did you happen to see a notebook on the ground after I left?” Jungkook asked, playing with a loose thread on the seam of the couch to give himself something to focus on that wasn’t Jimin.

 

“A notebook? No, I don’t think so, why are you missing one?” Jimin asked, and Jungkook could see the frown on his face from the corners of his eyes, it only made his cheeks burn again and he firmly kept his eyes on the thread he had almost torn out of the couch.

 

“I don’t know, I think so. I couldn’t find it,” Jungkook admitted, shrugging one shoulder and trying to be as casual as he could be, his cheeks felt so hot though and he was sure Jimin had to have noticed by now.

 

“Do you want me to take you back to school and see if we can find it?” Jimin asked, already moving to stand up from the couch and Jungkook reached out without thinking to grab his shoulder.

 

“Ah! N-no! It’s fine, we don’t have to d-do that. I’m sure I just misplaced it in the locker or something!” Jungkook said quickly, shaking his head and letting go of Jimin’s shoulder like it was burning him when he realized they were still touching. He was being so awkward and he couldn’t believe how ridiculous he felt.

 

“Are you sure? It’s really no big deal,” Jimin assured him, but he slowly moved to sit back down, shifting so he was facing Jungkook a little more. “Are you feeling alright Jungkook? You seem a little shaky or something.”

 

“W-what? Uh I’m f-fine!” Jungkook squeaked, his cheeks flaming as he took a few steps away from the couch. “I’m g-gonna go back upstairs, s-sorry,” He stuttered quickly, turning and nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste to get back up the stairs and into the safety of his own room.

 

His heart was beating a mile a minute by the time he closed the door behind himself and slowly sank down onto the floor. He couldn’t believe how hard this crush had hit him, he couldn’t even look at Jimin now. He wished so badly he could call up his Mom and ask her what he should do, she was always so good at helping him through situations like these.

 

He was horribly awkward with all his crushes and his mom used to make fun of him all the time, but she always had the best advice. She could calm him down from any red-faced, jittery, embarrassing situation and she had helped him get his first date to a school dance.

 

He stood up and slowly walked over to his bed, sitting down and reaching out to grab the picture sitting at the edge of the stand. He smiled sadly down at the happy picture and gently touched the smiling face of his mother, “Umma, I wish you were here. I miss you so much, and I don’t know what to do. Is it really okay for me to feel this way about someone already? Even this distraction doesn’t make the pain stop...” He whispered, feeling tears burning his eyes and he hugged the picture to his chest. He could still remember his mother’s teasing laugh and that knowing smile that always made him whine and blush.

 

Even when she found out he was gay, she had always been supportive. She didn’t care who he loved, just so long as he loved and was happy. She teased him about cute boys as easily as she teased him about cute girls, and he was always her baby even when he insisted he was practically an adult.

 

She was the best mother he could have asked for, even if she wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t always there, she had to work long hours to support them. But she made up for it with unconditional love and ridiculous family ‘outings’ that usually involved Jungkook getting dragged into the car and driving around arguing with each other over which movie to watch where and what they should get for dinner afterwards. His mother loved scary movies, he hated them. He loved spicy food, she hated it. It usually came down to quick games of rock, paper, scissors, at stop lights.

 

Their relationship with a little whacky and unorthodox but he was happy, he loved his mother more than anyone in the world. She was his best friend, and now that she was gone he couldn’t recognize his own life. He didn’t know who he was, he couldn’t even recognize the world around him and he felt like he was utterly lost and disoriented constantly. Unable to find his footing and constantly floundering for some kind of solid ground to cling to.

 

It was wearing him down mentally, physically, and emotionally and this sudden whiplash from his feelings for Jimin wasn’t helping. He just felt even more drained now that he was alone, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore.

 

He laid down on his bed and closed his eyes, holding the picture of his mother tightly and deciding to just try to stop thinking and maybe nap before it was time for dinner.

 

 

~.-.-.~

 

The next morning at school Jungkook was both relieved and slightly frustrated to see that the hallways in front of his shared locker with Jin was almost completely empty. He dumped his stuff inside quickly and left out the door to the student parking lot before the bell even rang.

 

Finding Taehyung wasn’t as difficult as he was worried it might be, he spotted him at the same place they’d met the day before smoking a cigarette and talking to a group of guys who looked older and were covered in facial piercings and tattoos.

 

As Jungkook got closer he could make out hushed conversation and he noticed when Taehyung passed one of the guys something and he handed back a wad of cash. They spoke for a few more seconds before the group left, leaving Taehyung by himself, slipping the money into his front pocket.

 

Jungkook hung back for a few seconds before he finally gathered up the courage to approach Taehyung. “Hey um.. do you have my notebook?” He asked, he’d meant to sound stern and confident, it hadn’t come out that way at all.

 

Taehyung flicked ashes onto the ground and looked at Jungkook with a slightly amused expression. “Maybe, depends I guess.”

 

“On what?” Jungkook asked, trying very hard not to pout but he was pretty sure he was failing at it. He always was bad at hiding his emotions, he wore his heart on his sleeve apparently.

 

“On what you just saw,” Taehyung answered without skipping a beat. “I saw you standing over there, and I really don’t need your over protective cousin giving me a new bruise.”

 

“I...wait what?” Jungkook blinked and frowned. “What do you mean a new bruise? Did Jimin hurt you?” He asked, starting to feel a little guilty. Taehyung might have scared him a little but he hadn’t been being mean when Jimin found them the other day, the scene had probably looked a lot worse than it had been.

 

Taehyung just lifted up the hem of his shirt, revealing a rather ugly deep purple bruise on his rib cage. “I think he damn near cracked a few,” He said, dropping his shirt back down and taking a drag of the cigarette.

 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry I d-didn’t, he... he meant well I guess?” Jungkook bit his lip, trying and failing to both apologize and defend his cousin. He felt so lost trying to do this social thing, he used to be good with people, but now he felt like a fish out of water.

 

“Chill, I’ve had worse,” Taehyung rolled his eyes and dropped the cigarette, crushing it out. “Now what exactly did you see?”

 

“Umm nothing much, you gave those guys something and they paid you for it,” Jungkook explained a little nervously, shrugging one shoulder. “I don’t know what you gave them, I didn’t see, and I couldn’t hear you guys.”

 

“Good, keep it that way,” Taehyung said, nodding and bending down to pick up his bag, unzipping one of he pockets and pulling out Jungkook’s notebook. “Here, you left it when you took off the other day.”

 

Jungkook reached out to take it back but Taehyung quickly pulled it away. “Ah-ah, not so fast.” He grinned and Jungkook actually squirmed as he felt that strange new awkwardness creeping up on him again. “You can have it back, only if I can check it out again after you finish this poem. I showed it to my brother, he thinks you could be a talented song writer.”

 

Jungkook blushed and snatched up the notebook, hugging it tightly and ducking his head down. “I..m-maybe,” He mumbled, deciding to make no promises right then. He wasn’t convinced he wanted Taehyung to read his writing, it was supposed to be private.

 

He heard Taehyung chuckle and he felt fingers ruffling up his hair. “You’re pretty cute for a sophomore,” Taehyung told him, leaning back against the wall and glancing towards the doors when the bell rang. “You going to class?”

 

Jungkook bit his lip and weighted the options before he finally shook his head, he didn’t care what kind of scolding he got from his aunt and uncle when he got back to their house later, he just wasn’t ready to try to be normal. He didn’t feel normal, he needed to find his footing again before he tried to go to class.

 

“Cool, me either. Come on.” Taehyung grabbed his wrist and Jungkook was being pulled towards the parking lot. “I don’t have anything as fancy Jimin’s mustang but the thing runs. My brother gave it to me. We can ditch out and go to my favorite pizza joint across town.”

 

“W-what? But...” Jungkook trailed off, following obediently behind Taehyung when he gave him a stern ‘don’t argue with me’ look. The same kind of look his mother used to give him and it almost made him smile, until the ache in his chest snuffed out the slight spark of warmth.

 

Taehyung card was an older ford, a little rusted and the front end was slightly damaged. It was definitely a hand-me-down and Jungkook wrinkled his nose at the strange smell when he climbed in and buckled his seatbelt.

 

“Sorry, my brother and his band were potheads,” Taehyung explained as he climbed into the drivers seat. “I’ve cleaned this thing a hundred times and can’t get the smell out.” He tapped the strawberry shaped air freshener and chuckled. “I don’t think this thing does shit to be honest.”

 

“I don’t think so either,” Jungkook admitted, cracking the window a little bit and resting his head back. He didn’t know what he was doing, he shouldn’t have been ditching school with a kid who may or may not be a drug dealer, and may or may not hate him. Taehyung was a complicated person and Jungkook couldn’t figure him out at all.

 

“So um.. why did you bring me along?” He finally asked after a few seconds of awkward silence on his part. Taehyung was fiddling with the radio and trying to convince the CD player to read the CD he kept shoving into it.

 

“Huh? Oh, I dunno. Why not?” Taehyung flashed him a grin as he forced the CD back into the player again, it finally worked and started reading it and Taehyung fondly patted the dash board. “Good job you piece of shit. This is my brother’s first CD, it’s set to release in a week,” He explained, adjusting the volume so they could hear it but it wasn’t loud enough to stop conversation.

 

“Well... I didn’t figure you liked me much after yesterday morning,” Jungkook admitted, shrugging one shoulder and focusing his gaze out the window because he felt slightly less awkward that way.

 

“What? Oh that think with Jin? Nah, don’t worry about it.” Taehyung laughed and took a turn a little too sharply, nearly making Jungkook’s head crack against the window.

 

“Are you dating Jin or something?” Jungkook asked, trying to keep the conversation going, but he was also a little curious. The way those girls had talked the other morning it certainly made it sound that way.

 

“Hell no, Jin isn’t dating anyone. I think he has too much fun toying with us,” Taehyung admitted, frustrating lacing his tone and a little bit of what sounded to Jungkook like defeat.

 

“‘Us’? Does Jin have a lot of people who like him then?” Jungkook asked, Jin had seemed nice, and he was very attractive but Jungkook wasn’t really head over heels for him at first sight or anything.

 

“Only every gay guy at school, but it’s most me and Jimin,” Taehyung explained, shrugging as he took another corner a little too sharply. He was not a very cautious driver, he nearly rear ended someone at a stop light trying to adjust the radio volume again.

 

“Jimin? Is that why you two don’t like each other?” Jungkook asked, a few pieces falling into place now. That would make sense, and it would explain some of the teasing those girls had given Taehyung yesterday morning.

 

“Part of the reason.” Taehyung sighed and finally pulled into a parking lot, whipping into the first open space he found.

 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook questioned, fiddling with the spiral ring on his notebook. He glanced up when the parked and quickly scrambled out of the car when Taehyung stepped out.

 

“It’s a long fucking story.” Taehyung chuckled and headed into the restaurant with Jungkook tagging along behind him. “We used to be really close you know? We were best friends growing up.”

 

“Really?” Jungkook blinked in surprise and looked up at Taehyung, blushing when he noticed the other was watching him. “I w-wouldn’t have guessed...” He finished rather lamely, his lip was going to start bleeding from how much he’d been chewing on it the past day and a half.

 

Taehyung lead them to the counter and paid for the lunch buffet for both of them, handing over some of the money he had been given that morning. He was handed two plates and gave one to Jungkook before he spoke again. “Yeah, shit happened and things changed. My parents are super stupid strict, well my mother is. She’s a marketing manager for some pretty up there clients. She makes a lot of money, and she’s very business oriented. Her children were investments, nothing more. When my brother started that band she went ballistic. Started demanding he give up those silly dreams and start thinking about university. My brother refused and chose the band over school, so she disowned him. I supported him and refused to cut off contact with him so now she resents me,” He explained as he piled pizza onto his plate, occasionally grabbing an extra piece and putting it on Jungkook’s as well. In the end Jungkook only picked out one piece for himself but his plate was nearly as full as Taehyung’s.

 

“So why did that affect your relationship with Jimin?” Junkgook asked in confusion, if anything he would have thought something like that would have strengthened their relationship. Jimin seemed like too much of a caring person to let something like that push him away.

 

“Well, I didn’t tell him any of that. I didn’t want him pulling that ‘I’ll be your hero’ crap. After my mom got pissed at me she stopped paying for anything for me, food, school fees, clothes, anything. She would have kicked me out but legally she can’t yet. When I turn eighteen I’m fucked though.” Taehyung sighed and walked over to an empty booth in the back corner of the restaurant and sat down. “Anyway, I kinda had to do what I could to make money, so I got a shit job working crappy hours in the evenings, my school work started slipping, then my brother tried to help. He gives me the drugs that I pawn off to people either at school or around town. It’s not great but it makes me enough money to get by. Jimin just thought I was going through a phase, he tried to put up with it for a while but once I started selling drugs he lost his temper with me and we started fighting. We stopped talking to each other and things kind of cooled off for a bit, then Jin showed up and the fighting started up all over again.”

 

Jungkook listened to the story and nibbled at a slice of pizza, it was rather surprising to realize that Taehyung had been through all this. He really was an enigma, so much deeper than Jungkook had realized at first. He was more than over bright smiles and mood swings that left Jungkook just a little dizzy. “Why are you telling me all this?” He finally asked, looking up at Taehyung and blushing lightly at the intensity of Taehyung’s gaze. He couldn’t read most of the emotions he saw there, but for a split second there was a flash of pure heat that had Jungkook ducking his head. A stirring of something deep in his gut left him shifting in his seat to try to get comfortable again.

 

“Because I want to, I don’t know what happened to you, but I know that look you get. You know what it’s like to lose everything, and have no fucking idea why it happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter worked on Taehyung and Jungkook's relationship, we're starting to see a new side of Jungkook and learning a bit more about Taehyung and Jin too. I hope you guys liked it! <3


	5. Ready or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Chapter Warnings! This chapter is rated NC-17/M for slightly adult content!

“Yeah, I guess I do understand that.” Jungkook admitted softly, his appetite slowly dwindling as their conversation took such a personal turn. He knew he should share, Taehyung was waiting for him to explain his story but every time Jungkook opened his mouth his tongue tied and the words abandoned him.

 

“Eat, I didn’t bring you here so you could stare at the pizza.” Taehyung suddenly interrupted Jungkook’s internal struggle, abruptly taking his focus off what he’d been attempting to say. Or pretending to attempt, he hadn’t actually made it to the point of making noise.

 

“R-right, sorry.” Jungkook mumbled, taking a bigger bite than necessary and nearly choking on it as he bit off a little more than he could safely chew. He heard Taehyung chuckling and he felt his face heating up again.

 

“Are you always this awkward? Or is it just around me?” Taehyung asked, and Jungkook once again almost choked as he tried to swallow the bite he’d taken. 

 

“Umm I uhh... it’s j-just me...recently.” Jungkook stumbled through the explanation, looking pointedly down at his plate to avoid seeing Taehyung’s expression.

 

“Recently huh? You weren’t this jumpy yesterday, so it must have been real recent.” Taehyung grinned and leaned closer. “Come on , spill, what happened?”

 

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he looked up at Taehyung, his mouth opening and closing and making him look like a rather unattractive fish. “I uh.. I umm... d-don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not any different than I was yesterday!”

 

“Oh bullshit, you’re blushing and stuttering like a girl on her first date.” Taehyung pointed out, his smile stretching across his face and it almost made him look like he was in pain. 

 

“I am not!” Jungkook denied, groaning when he realized how much of a whine that came out as, he dropped his head onto the table beside his plate and promptly flipped Taehyung the finger when he started laughing uproariously. “This is why I didn’t want friends!” He groaned.

 

“Friends?” Taehyung raised and eyebrow and reached out to tug at a piece of Jungkook’s hair until he looked up at him again. “You think we’re friends?”

 

Jungkook blinked and lightly blushed again, “Um I don’t know? Are we?” He hadn’t mean to make friends, that hadn’t been in his life plans or anything. He hadn’t even meant to say that in the first place. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him all of a sudden. 

 

“No, you’re a lame sophomore.” Taehyung winked and took another bite of his pizza, “Speaking of lame, are you living with Jimin for ever or just for little while?” 

 

Jungkook sighed and grabbed his glass of water, taking a sip to buy him a little time, he still didn’t want to talk about this. He really really didn’t. “Until university I guess.” He said softly, he could feel that familiar numbness creeping up on him and he pushed his plate away. The smell of the pizza was starting to make his stomach turn. 

 

“How come? Your parents disown you or what?” Taehyung asked, either entirely oblivious to Jungkook’s mood change or he simply didn’t care. He was nearly finished with the pile of pizza slices on his plate already. 

 

“No.” Jungkook shook his head and looked around, trying to find anything that wasn’t Taehyung to focus on and he finally settled on an awkward stain on the rather ugly green and black speckled carpet. “My mom died.” He finally admitted, he hated the way the words tasted. They were heavy and bitter on his tongue and he felt tears prickling at his eyes. 

 

“Oh shit, seriously? Was she a good mom? Or are you glad she’s dead?” Taehyung asked so bluntly that Jungkook actually looked up at him in shocked disbelief. “What? I wouldn’t cry if my mom died, she’s a crazy bitch.” He pointed out, shrugging one shoulder as he stuffed the last bite of his pizza into his mouth. 

 

“I love my mother.” Jungkook said defensively, “She was the best mother in world.” He swallowed thickly and shook his head, “I don’t want to talk about this.” 

 

“Okay, then are you gonna finish that?” Taehyung asked, pointing to the pizza growing cold on Jungkook’s plate. 

 

He shook his head and pushed the plate across the table, “No, you can have it.” He mumbled. His stomach was churning angrily and he knew if he tried to keep eating he’d probably be sick. 

 

Taehyung snatched up the pizza and started eating without a pause, he really seemed to be unaffected by Jungkook’s suddenly depression. Which only became more apparent when when he spoke again, “So, you a virgin?”

 

Jungkook did choke that time, on the sudden intake of air that didn’t quite make it into his protesting lungs. Of all the things he may have been expecting Taehyung to say, that wasn’t anywhere on the list, “Wh-what?!” He squeaked, his face heating up in a blush so dark he probably resembled a stop sign.

 

“Hm, you are. That’s cool I guess, you into girls or guys?” Taehyung asked, sniggering at Jungkook’s obvious embarrassment and discomfort. 

 

“How is that any of your business?!” Jungkook exclaimed after beat on his chest a few times to convince his lungs to start functioning properly again. 

 

“You’re a gay virgin? How is that even possible?” Taehyung asked, looking at him like he’d grown a second head and all Jungkook wanted to do was disappear into the floor. The numb feeling was chased off by the heat in his face but this wasn’t the kind of distraction he preferred. 

 

“W-well I just haven’t met the right one...” Jungkook mumbled, pouting and grabbing his unused napkin, playing with it and folding it into strange shapes to give him something to do. 

 

“You sound like a girl in a drama.” Taehyung cackled, forgetting his pizza for the time being as he laughed at Jungkook’s humiliation. 

 

“Shut up! It’s not a bad thing!” Jungkook whined, starting to tear at the napkin now but he barely even noticed. “Are you a virgin?” He shot at Taehyung but immediately wished he hadn’t when Taehyung’s grin morphed into a leer and that heat returned to his gaze.

 

“Haven’t been for a couple of years.” He admitted, leaning close and Jungkook immediately leaned back as far as he seat would let him and he was infinitely grateful for the wide tables. At least Taehyung couldn’t get close enough to him to do anything. “I like the way it feels too much. I could show you if you wanted?”

 

Jungkook gulped, feeling suddenly too hot and too nervous. He had never had someone so blatantly offer something like this before and his first instinct was to shake his head. He had touched himself a few times ,when teenage boy hasn’t? But he’d never touched or been touched by anyone else. Not that he hadn’t been curiously, he had wondered a number of times if it felt better when someone else touched him. He just wasn’t sure that now was really the best time for this. 

 

He looked up at Taehyung and the other simply raised an eyebrow, a silent question and Jungkook immediately looked away again. Why was he even debating this? He didn’t even like Taehyung. No, that was a lie, if he hadn’t liked him at all he wouldn’t be sitting here right now. But his mother... everything was suddenly moving so fast again. He drifted from moments of slow-mo grayscale to blurs of kaleidoscopic motion. It left him dizzy and whiplashed, it was impossible to think let alone get ahold of himself properly. 

 

“I...” Jungkook trailed off, trying to find the words he wanted to say. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t do this. He was so confused but when Taehyung was suddenly tugging him out of his seat he didn’t fight him. He just followed him back to the car, sitting back in the passengers seat like a robot. His mind still scrambling to form words. “C-can’t.” He finally managed to say when the sound of his zipper was entirely too loud in the confined space of the car.

 

“Why not?” Taehyung asked, popping open the button of Jungkook’s jeans as he waited for him to answer. 

 

“I’m n-not... I’m not ready.” Jungkook pleaded, looking at Taehyung with watery eyes. He couldn’t do this, not now. Not when the hole in his chest ached fiercely, and his sudden new crush on Jimin left him disoriented with no idea which way was up. He didn’t need more confusion, he didn’t need this.

 

“You’ll never be ready.” Taehyung told him simply, then he was leaning forward and pressing his lips to Jungkook’s. At that point Jungkook’s brain completely short circuited. He had never kissed anyone before, unless he counted that girl in the fourth grade but that wasn’t nearly in the same league. That had been awkward innocent, this was indescribable. 

 

Taehyung’s lips were a little rough but warm against Jungkook’s, the touch of his tongue was nearly hot and Jungkook’s lips parted in a soft gasp. Taehyung didn’t hesitate to take that as an invitation and Jungkook felt himself growing dizzy as Taehyung’s tongue thoroughly explored his moist cavern. 

 

By the time Taehyung pulled away Jungkook was panting lightly and his eyes were glazed over. His mind was so completely frazzled he couldn’t even speak, he didn’t know what was going on but it didn’t matter because Taehyung was suddenly kissing him again. Jungkook responded this time, their tongues tangling and stroking, and Jungkook was so lost in the sensation. Everything faded into the background except the brush of Taehyung’s tongue against his own, and the sudden pressing need for more that came unbidden and powerful from the depths of his mind. 

 

When they parted again Jungkook was nearly in Taehyung’s lap he was leaning so far over, he hadn’t even realized he’d moved but he didn’t care. His cheeks were flushed but for once it wasn’t from embarrassment. “Are you sure you aren’t ready?” Taehyung asked, his voice was deeper than usual and it sent a delicious shiver down Jungkook’s spine. He hadn’t realized until then how naturally sexy Taehyung’s voice was, how darkly intense his eyes were. They were glittering with filthy promises that made Jungkook’s entire body burn with both embarrassment and a shocking amount of desire. 

 

This was a whole other world compared to what he felt with Jimin, there were no maddening fluttering butterflies in the pit of his stomach, he didn’t feel like he was dealing with his first crush all over again. There was nothing sweet or innocent about what was happening right then with Taehyung, it was thrilling and just the slightest bit terrifying as well. 

 

“Yes.” Jungkook finally whispered, his voice shaking slightly as he started to pull away but a hand in the short hair on the back of his neck kept him from going very far. Taehyung’s grip was rough, almost painful but it only made Jungkook’s breath catch.

 

“Liar.” Taehyung growled, pulling Jungkook closer and their lips crashed together again, in a kiss that took the last of Jungkook’s breath and resistance with it. It left his lips swollen and bruised, and his mind melted from the sheer heat of it. There was a painful throb below his waist that was rapidly getting too uncomfortable to bare.

 

A new, intense, heat had Jungkook jerking back with a cry. Taehyung’s hand had snuck into his boxers when he’d been distracted by the kiss. He had wondered if it felt better when someone else touched him and now he had his answer, there was no comparison at all. Taehyung was a hundred times more experienced than Jungkook was. His grip was just tight enough to border on discomfort but every stoke felt like heaven. The friction was addicting and Jungkook’s hips quickly took up the rhythm of Taehyung’s hand. He could hear lewd noises echoing back at him but he didn’t realize they were his own until Taehyung was suddenly kissing him again with a growled curse. 

 

Jungkook couldn’t focus on the kiss though, not with the way Taehyung kept twisting his hand every time he reached the head of Jungkook’s arousal, and it felt like white hot fire was running through him. Taehyung knew exactly what to do to drive Jungkook absolutely wild, and even though it felt like an eternity as his body slowly burned beneath Taehyung’s skilled touch, in reality it was only minutes before he finally reached his peak. His back arching and a ragged cry escaping him as Taehyung eagerly milked him for all he was worth, pulling his hand away only when Jungkook’s body stopped jerking from the aftershocks of orgasm.

 

He popped opened his glovebox and pulled out a few tissues from a travel pack he kept there and wiped his hand clean, tossing the tissue into the backseat to throw away later. “You alright?” He asked, glancing over at a completely dazed Jungkook and chuckled softly. He reached over and fixed the boy back into his pants and zipped him back up, giving his crouch a fond pat before he pulled away.

 

“No, I don’t think so.” Jungkook mumbled, trying to gather his wits back so he could process what exactly just happened. A generic ring tone entirely too loud in the small car made Jungkook nearly jump out of his skin as he scrambled to fish his phone out of his pocket. “H-hello?” He answered, wishing his tone didn’t sound so strained or so awkwardly husky still.

 

“Jungkook? Where the hell are you?” Jimin’s worried tone carried over the phone and Jungkook felt his face suddenly explode with heat. There was no way he could tell Jimin where he was, or who he was with. 

 

“Um..I uh.. umm...” Jungkook stuttered, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation but his mind was completely blank. 

 

“Jesus Jimin, do you mother hen like this over everyone? Or just your cute little cousin?” Taehyung asked, snatching the phone right out of Jungkook’s hand, at once saving him from embarrassing himself and damming him to whatever fate he chose to dish out. Jungkook could only pray Taehyung wouldn’t tell Jimin what they had just done, Jungkook could barely wrap his mind around what had happened.

 

“Taehyung?! Where did you take him?” Jimin demanded, and Jungkook could hear the anger in his tone. It made him wince slightly and he felt a little bad for Taehyung, but then again he had kind of kidnapped him and then molested him in his car so Jungkook’s guilt only went so far. 

 

“To a dark creepy alley where I striped him and ravished his adorable virgin body.” Taehyung answered in a tone so dry that even over the phone it was obvious he was being condescending. 

 

“You have fucking issues Taehyung ,now tell me where he is, I’m coming to get him.” Jimin growled, and Jungkook was once again struck with the overwhelming desire to be swallowed by the floor. He would rather be anywhere but right where he was. The realization of what he had done was slowly hitting him and he wasn’t sure if he felt regret, guilt, or just plain shame but whatever the emotion creeping up in the back of his throat was, it tasted very bitter.

 

“Fine, Prince Charming, your dear Princess is at the pizza place. You know which one.” Taehyung told him before he hung up and handed the phone back to Jungkook. “Here now get out of my car, I don’t really want to be here when he shows up.” 

 

Jungkook took his cell phone back and opened the car door, feeling the sudden urge to cry again and this time he had nothing to do with his mother. He hadn’t expected such a sudden and harsh rejection, and it left him with nothing but the slowly building shame inside him. He never should have let Taehyung do that to him, he should have stopped him somehow. 

 

His distress must have shown on his face because he suddenly felt a hand on his wrist tugging him back into the car, and he found Taehyung’s lips once again pressed to his. “Don’t look like such a kicked puppy, I might start thinking you like me or something.” 

 

He flashed a wicked grin and released Jungkook once again. Letting him scramble out of the car and grip the door frame tightly, “N-no way! Don’t assume things.” He said, trying to sound calmer and more confident than he felt as he shut the car door. He stepped back and watched Taehyung pull out of the parking lot, the shame was still there but it wasn’t threatening to pull him back into a pit of despair. 

 

Maybe it was a mistake, letting himself get swept up in Taehyung’s impulsive nature, but he couldn’t deny it had been exciting and for a few seconds even the pain in his chest was gone. Sure, he felt guilty for letting himself forget like that, but at the same time the minuscule respite was something he had desperately needed. The constant ache was wearing him down and he felt like he was drowning in his own depression. 

 

At least with Taehyung and Jimin he could distract himself with the kaleidoscope of motion their sheer presence seemed to toss him into. It was utterly disorienting, and he had no idea who he was becoming, but as Jimin’s black mustang pulled into the parking lot several minutes later he had to wonder if that was such a bad thing. 

 

Maybe he wasn’t the Jungkook he used to be, he knew he never could be. But he was changing into a new version of himself, one that was a little more mature with the weight of his mother’s death, and a little more apprehensive. He had thought he was going to be trapped in a grayscale world, but sooner than he could have ever expected he was starting to see the first hints of faded color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, I added a new relationship element. Trust me, things will get much more messy before they get better. And who ends up with whom will be a mystery ;P  
> So comment/kudos to let me know what you think! <3


	6. From Bad to Worse

“Jungkook!” Jimin exclaimed the moment he leapt out of the car, rushing over and enveloping Jungkook in a fierce hug, making it almost impossible to breathe. “Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?” He demanded, stepping back but not letting go of Jungkook. There was worry in every line of his face and Jungkook actually felt bad for upsetting him like that.

 

“I’m fine, I promise.” He mumbled, but he didn’t sound overly convincing. It would help if he could calm the heat on his cheeks, but that was rather impossible given that the memories of what he’d just done with Taehyung was still so fresh in his mind. He could almost feel the heat of Taehyung’s lips and hand still and it wasn’t helping his situation at all. 

 

“Are you sure?” Jimin asked softly, that gentle and sweet nature was only making Jungkook that much more uncomfortable. He hadn’t been hurt at all, and it wasn’t like Taehyung had done anything really against his will. He wasn’t traumatized, just really embarrassed. 

 

“Yes, I’m totally fine he d-didn’t do anything.” Jungkook tried to assure his cousin but his voice managed to crack on him and he ducked his head when his cheeks flamed. “L-let’s just go!” He insisted, turning Jimin around and giving him a soft push back towards his car. 

 

For once school actually sounded like a welcome respite and he climbed into the car almost eagerly. The drive back to school was horribly awkward though, Jimin kept looking at him with that same concern and Jungkook refused to meet his eyes every single time. The blush never faded from his cheeks, he was pretty sure he was going to resemble a tomato permanently now. He wished Jimin wouldn’t worry so much, but at the same time he was touched by his cousins concern.

 

That, however, did not stop him from hopping out of the car and hurrying back into the school. Ignoring Jimin’s attempts to pull him aside and talk to him again. “I’m really fine, really Jimin.” He assured him, stopping at his locker long enough to grab his notebook, pencil, and schedule since he didn’t actually know which class he had after lunch.

 

Jimin sighed heavily but nodded, “Alright, as long as you’re sure. Just be careful around Taehyung okay?” He pleaded, lingering with Jungkook for a little bit longer before he finally turned and left. 

 

They still had a few minutes until lunch was over so Jungkook took the time to finally look at his schedule. He had biology, he didn’t know where room C12 was though, he didn’t have that convenient little map either, he’d left it back in his room. Go figure.

 

“Everything alright?” A voice interrupted him and Jungkook looked up at see a smiling Jin standing at the locker. 

 

“Ah, yeah kinda. Do you know where C12 is?” He asked, Jin had seemed pretty nice the first time they met. Granted, Jungkook didn’t know him that well but he felt comfortable around the other boy. 

 

Jin nodded and smiled brighter, the expression softened his face and for a moment Jungkook could completely understand how Taehyung and Jimin had managed to fall in love with this boy. Jin held this kind of charm about him, he was beautiful without being overly effeminate. One of those rare boys who were beautiful as boys without having to be mistaken for a girl constantly. “Of course, I can walk with you just let me grab my things.” He said, opening the locker and pulling out some heavy looking books. “I have history next and it’s over on that side of the building too.” 

 

As they started walking Jungkook noticed that he was a little shorter than Jin, he was surprised honestly he hadn’t even noticed that they first time they’d met. Jin had that look about him like he could be extremely cute if he wanted to be. 

 

“Is there something on my face?” Jin teased, his eye crinkling in the corners as he smiled, a soft chuckle making Jungkook blush yet again. He could never remember blushing this much in his life, he didn’t know when he’d become such a girl.

 

“I uh n-no I was just... curious.” Jungkook finished lamely, looking firmly down at his feet because at least they couldn’t embarrass him, hopefully. 

 

“Curious? About what?” Jin asked, tipping his head to the side and smiling softly as he watched Jungkook. Which didn’t make the younger feel any better, his blush was never going to cool with Jin’s eyes on him.

 

“Well, about what kind of person could capture Jimin and Taehyung’s hearts.” Jungkook admitted, biting at his lip and glancing up at Jin for a fraction of a second before he looked back down again.

 

“Ahh I see.” Jin laughed softly and Jungkook didn’t realize when he’d suddenly stopped walking until he’d gone a few steps ahead. He paused and looked back at Jin who was watching him with a kind expression, just the slightest hint of teasing in his warm brown eyes. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to fine out, huh?” He winked and smiled playfully before he started walking again. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

 

Jungkook felt his heart flutter a little in his chest and suddenly the mystery that surrounded Jin started to clear up rather quickly, he was a very charming boy. Sweet, with a beautiful and kind smile, it was no wonder so many had fallen in love with him already. Jungkook felt his stomach churn uncomfortably as he realized he couldn’t compete with someone like Jin. 

 

“So, I hear you hate a lunch date with Taehyung?” Jin asked ,raising an eyebrow and the sudden topic change threw Jungkook completely off balance. 

 

Jungkook looked up with wide-eyed shock, and the knowing look Jin gave him made him feel like he was suddenly going to be sick. Jin knew, even if he didn’t know exactly what had happened he knew that ‘date’ hadn’t been innocent. Which mean Jimin probably knew too, which was why he’d seem so overly concerned when he’d picked Jungkook up. If they all knew, then...

 

“Taehyung likes to take the cute ones out on ‘dates’.” Jin explained, only confirming Jungkook’s fears and making his stomach feel that much more angry. His desire to go to class was suddenly plummetingm but they had stopped outside a room already and when Jungkook glanced up he saw it was C12. It was too late to back out now.

 

“So, tell me, did you guys do it in his back seat?” Jin asked, leaning closer and looking almost excited but Jungkook quickly back pedaled, running painfully into the doorframe. 

 

“W-what?! No! We d-didn’t do anything like that!” Jungkook tried to argue but the embarrassment burning his cheeks and the way his voice shook gave him away.

 

“Is everything alright here?” An older man approached them from inside the room, he was handsome, a younger teacher if Jungkook had to guess, probably fresh out of school. His expression was drawn in a frown of concern as he looked from Jungkook to Jin.

 

“Of course Mr. Im, I was just teasing Jungkook a little.” Jin explained, his smile tight suddenly and he bowed respectfully before he turned and left. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” The teacher, Mr. Im apparently, asked as he looked at Jungkook, who was busy rubbing the back of his head where it had cracked against the doorframe. It was probably going to bruise later with his luck.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jungkook muttered, sighing and looking up at the teacher. “Are you the biology teacher?” He asked, glancing into the room to see it still empty. He figured there was still a few more minutes before lunch ended, which at least would give him the chance to snatch up a seat in the back. 

 

“Yes, my name is Im Seulong, you must be Jeon Jungkook?” He asked, a warm smile softening his features and he stepped back to allow Jungkook into the room. “I was wondering when I’d finally get to meet you. The other teachers and I were starting to think you were just a myth.”

 

Jungkook blushed lightly and sighed, “It’s been...rough.” He admitted softly, his eyes falling to trace the brand logo on the corner of his notebook. This teacher seemed nice enough so far, but that didn’t mean he was comfortable spilling out his life story to him.

 

“I’ll bet, after what the principal told us, I’m surprised you’re here so soon.” Mr. Im admitted, walking over to his desk and shifting through some papers before he pulled out a rather intimidating looking packet. “These are all of the notes you’ve missed so far, as well as copies of the homework with the answers already filled in. You’ve got enough on your plate, I didn’t want you struggling to try to catch up in school too.” He explained, handing a rather stunned Jungkook the papers.

 

He took them slowly and looked them over quickly, there were copies of dozens of powerpoint slides, fill in the blank homework assignments, and even a few quizzes, as promised they all had answers neatly written in. “T-thank you.” He finally managed to stutter out, feeling a little overwhelmed that a teacher had gone out of his way to do so much for him. 

 

“It’s no problem Jungkook, just let me know if you need any extra help understanding anything in todays class okay?” Mr. Im told him, going back to his desk and sitting at his computer, getting the power point started up just as the loud ringing of a bell nearly startled Jungkook out of his skin.

 

He scrambled to the back of the classroom and took a seat, taking one in the very back corner hoping to keep out of the public eyes as much as possible. He felt a little better about being in class now that he knew at least this teacher was supportive, but as the students started piling in he felt himself growing more and more uncomfortable.

 

Several people glanced back at him and the sound of whispering turned into a dull roar as he found more and more people started taking undue interest in him. He was grateful when the bell signaling the start of class rang and Mr. Im stood up to address the class. “Everyone, quiet down. I’d like to introduce our new student, Jeon Jungkook. I ask that you all treat him well and welcome him to our school.” He said but he didn’t linger on the introduce, nor did he ask Jungkook to stand up or even walk to the front of the classroom for which he was extremely grateful. 

 

“From what I’ve heard Taehyung’s covered that already.” One girl, that Jongkook recognized as one of the groupies that had been surrounding Taehyung’s locker that first day, pipped up a sneer curling her pink glossed lips. Her partially bubblegum pink hair was braided today and draped over one shoulder, her blouse was tight fitting and she was once again wearing shirt that was probably only just within dress-code regulation. 

 

She wasn’t the only one though, the bleach blonde beside her was dressed similarly and the malicious glare she shot Jungkook’s way had his throat suddenly closing and his stomach rolling dangerously. “I work in the main office, everyone wants us to feel bad for him because his mommy died, but he seems fine to me. Especially if he’s already letting Taehyung fuck him.”

 

“Juhyun! Jiyeon! That’s enough.” The teacher snapped at them but it was too late, Jungkook was already running out of the classroom. He had noticed a restroom when he had been walking with Jin and he barely made it in time for his stomach to empty itself of the pizza he’d eaten for lunch. 

 

It was several minutes before his stomach calmed down enough for him to realize that the awful sounds he was hearing were the sobs wracking his body rather than dry heaving. His shaky hand managed to flush the toilet and he pressed his back against the wall, burying his face in his knees and trying to make the screaming turmoil of emotions inside him stop. 

 

He knew high school was vicious, rumors spread faster than wild fire but he never would have imagined something like this. He had thought what happened between himself and Taehyung was private, so how did those girls find out? He didn’t think Taehyung had even come back to school so Jungkook knew it wasn’t him, and Jimin never would have spread such a malicious rumor about him. 

 

He heard footsteps echoing against the tile walls and he lifted his head to see a pair of feet had stopped outside his stall, the door was pulling open and Jin was standing there, a concerned expression on his face. “I thought I heard someone crying, I was surprised it was coming from the boys bathroom though. What happened?” He asked, crouching down and handing Jungkook a tissue from his pocket.

 

Jungkook took it gratefully and wiped his eyes before blowing his nose, he was relieved to see a familiar face even if he had been just a little disappointed that it wasn’t Jimin. “I d-don’t want to t-talk about it.” He whispered, he felt awful, he just wanted away and never look back. He wanted to drop out of school completely, maybe even drop out of life. He had thought things were getting better, but he was wrong. Things only ever got worse.

 

“Aww sweetie, it will be okay.” Jin assured him, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You’ll be just fine, whatever is going on I can tell you’re a strong kid.”

 

Jungkook’s lip trembled and he found himself sobbing into Jin’s chest, he didn’t feel strong. He felt miserable, and weak. His stomach hurt so badly, the guilt and shame let such a disgusting taste in his mouth he wanted to vomit again but he knew it wouldn’t help. He had to live with what he let Taehyung do to him, and now he had to live with knowing the entire school knew about it too. The entire school, including Jimin.

 

That thought had him tearing away from Jin as his stomach heaved again, he leaned over the toilet but his stomach was already empty. The violent dry heaves were painful, but nothing compared to how he felt about himself in that moment. He didn’t want to face Jimin later, he didn’t want to see that look in his eyes, that disappointment or worse, judgement. 

 

Why did this have to happen today? Why today when he had finally worked up the courage to go back to class and try to get his footing back. Everything was happening too quickly, the crush on Jimin, whatever had happened with Taehyung, now these rumors. It was all too much too fast and Jungkook couldn’t do this anymore. 

 

He needed his mother, he needed someone he could actually lean on and he had no one. He dissolved into broken, pathetic sobs on the bathroom floor, the flood gates of emotion just pouring out of him and he didn’t even notice when Jin got up and left. He did notice when Mr. Im picked him up though but he didn’t care, he just curled up in the older mans arms and let himself be carried. He didn’t care what was going on anymore, whatever rumors would inevitably come from this were irrelevant because it couldn’t get worse than it already was. 

 

He was taken to a quiet office and sat down on a stiff and uncomfortable bed, Mr. Im’s deep voice was almost soothing but Jungkook couldn’t stop crying. That wasn’t the voice he wanted, it wasn’t the one he desperately missed, or the one that made his chest ache so painfully. He wanted his Mother’s voice and he was never going to hear it again.

 

At some point when Jungkook refused to calm down they called Jimin down, and had he had just the slightest bit better hold of himself he would have protested that. However he was too far gone in his own hysteria to even understand what was going on. He did notice however when his face was held in warm, gentle, hands and he was suddenly forced to look the person in the eyes. 

 

“Jungkook, breathe.” Jimin insisted gently, his thumbs brushing away the tears on his cheeks and he over exaggerated a few deep breathes to get Jungkook to copy him and slowly start to calm down. “That’s right, just breathe. You’re okay.” He assured him, smiling softly.

 

Jungkook was shivering so badly he was almost afraid he was having some kind of seizure. His mind was a shattered wreck and he couldn’t remember why he’d been so against Jimin being here before. He needed Jimin, he was the only rock Jungkook had left to lean on.

 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Jimin asked, but before Jungkook had to figure out how to make his voice function properly someone else answered for him.

 

“A few girls in my class made highly inappropriate comments regarding a relationship between Jungkook and Taehyung.” Mr. Im explained quietly, trying to keep his voice down likely in the hopes that his words wouldn’t set Jungkook off again. Luckily, for him at least, Jungkook was so emotionally numb after that meltdown he felt utterly unfazed by the words. 

 

Jimin sighed softly and sat down on the bed, pulling Jungkook into the comfort of his arms and holding him tightly. Jungkook melted into his embrace and clung to him tightly, this was a safe place at least. The world might have been a dark and ugly place, but at least he could still find solace somewhere. 

 

“Is he going to be alright?” Mr. Im asked, the genuine concern in his tone would have left Jungkook feeling touched in any other situation, but right then it was a minor comfort too easily overshadowed by the creeping darkness that was slowly eclipsing his thoughts. He wanted to fade into nonexistence, or curl up in his mother’s coffin and let himself die too. At least that way he could see her again.

 

“I... hope so.” Jimin answered honestly, rubbing Jungkook’s back simply holding him because he didn’t know what other comforts he could offer. 

 

Mr. Im left a few minutes later and Jimin held Jungkook for the next half an hour as he slowly calmed down a little bit at a time. They didn’t speak during that time, Jimin asked no questions and Jungkook provided no explanations. It was a heavy and weighted silence, at least on Jungkook’s end, but Jimin remained as patient as ever. Offering only comfort without even a hint of judgement. It was a relief and Jungkook soaked up every second of it that he could, at least until the door opening drew both their attentions to the office door.

 

“Hey, I heard Jungkook freaked is he...” 

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?!” Jimin snarled, standing up and grabbing Taehyung’s shirt, slamming him agains the wall so hard his head bounced off it with a loud crack that had Jungkook wincing. 

 

“J-jimin stop!” Jungkook managed to get out, his voice was weak and it sounded strained and scratchy from all the crying, but he must have been loud enough because Jimin paused and looked over at him. 

 

“This disgusting son of a bitch is the reason you’re here Jungkook.” Jimin growled, and even though Jungkook knew the anger wasn’t directed at him he still flinched at Jimin’s tone. 

 

“N-no he’s n-not.” Jungkook insisted, slowly standing up on shaky legs and walking over to weakly tug at Jimin’s arm until he let go of Taehyung and stepped back. “He d-didn’t do anything w-wrong.” He whispered, his eyes filling up with tears again that quickly trickled down his cheeks. “He only t-took me out to l-lunch, that’s it. That’s it.” He insisted in a shaky whisper. Unwilling to look at either one of them, he didn’t want to see his lie reflected back at him. He wanted to pretend he was telling the truth, he wanted to make the truth go away. He wanted to make all the truths just go away.

 

He felt a hand encircle his wrist and he was suddenly tugged closer to Taehyung, arms wrapped around him and the smell of tobacco tickled his nose. He was too tired and too drained to care anymore and he let himself slump against Taehyung. He didn’t know how or when he was carried back to the bed, but he somehow ended up in Taehyung’s lap, dozing off as he listened to the hushed conversation between Taehyung and his cousin. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“According to his teacher some of your fangirls got bitchy.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“You know your reputation, did you think you could just take him out and people wouldn’t assume things?”

 

“Dammit... look nothing happened okay? I didn’t sleep with him or anything.”

 

“He told me nothing happened, and I believe him. But this was ridiculous. He doesn’t need this kind of bullshit following him around.”

 

“I know, okay? I get it. I’ll find out who those girls were, I promise.”

 

“When you do, text me. I won’t put up with anyone hurting him like that.”

 

“Oh really? You like him don’t you? I didn’t have you pegged for the incest type Jimin.”

 

“Shut up Taehyung, it’s not like that.”

 

There was a soft chuckle and the last thing Jungkook’s hazy mind registered before he fell asleep was Taehyung’s deep and oddly melodic voice whispering, “How do we always end up falling for the same guy every time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please let me know if you think things are progressing too fast. Pacing has never been my forte and I rely a lot on feedback to let me know how I'm doing. Though I will promise that the story is only just beginning, and there's a long way to go before things reach their conclusion. So I hope you guys are excited, I think this story is going to turn out longer than I originally thought!


	7. Just Between Us

Looking up at the clock he realized he’d been out for a couple of hours at least, school would be over in a little over 45 minutes. He slowly managed to stand up and stumble to the door, opening it and finding himself in the main office of what he assumed was the guidance counselor.

 

There was a girl sitting at the desk, her back was to him and she had cute pink headphones on. Her hair was short and white blond, she was wearing an oversized pink long sleeved shirt with a white tank top underneath and white washed skinny jeans. She looked like a student, the name tag on the desk read ‘Jang Hae Byeol’.

 

“Umm excuse me?” Jungkook called out, wincing at how scratchy his voice sounded. His throat was raw and it hurt to swallow, he could only imagine what kind of a wreck he must look like.

 

He heard the chair squeak and he looked up to see the girl had turned around, she was very pretty but wore a bit too much make up for Jungkook’s taste. It really emphasized her eyes though, and the colored contacts she wore to give them a pale robin egg blue color. She hastily pulled off her headphones and smiled brightly, “Hey! You’re awake I’m glad!” She exclaimed, gathering up some papers and quickly handing them to Jungkook. “I’m Jang Hae Byeol, but you can really just call me Hae Byeol. I’m the counselor here, and these are some of the services I provide. I’m a grief counselor, a trauma counselor, a drama counselor, any kind of counselor you need.” 

 

Jungkook slowly looked through the papers but her high pitched voice was grating on him, and it was only making his headache that much worse. So he nodded stiffly and took the papers, “Okay, I’ll make an appointment.” He promised, only to get her to shut up faster so he could get out. 

 

She ended up forcing him to stay long enough to pick a time next week to meet with her and he was finally released with a reminder note that had a smiling face drawn on the bottom corner. He stuffed it into his pocket and made a beeline for the front door, breathing a little easier once he was outside. He took the long way around the building to the student parking lot, he wasn’t about to go through the school building he didn’t want to run into anyone. 

 

When he made it around the building he spotted Taehyung in his usual ‘smoke spot’ and he wondered for a moment if Taehyung even attended classes anymore. He thought about ignoring him and just searching out Jimin’s mustang but his pounding head finally drove him over to the orange haired boy.

 

“Hey, you look like hell.” Taehyung greeted him softly, tucking the unlit cigarette back into the carton. 

 

“I feel like it.” Jungkook admitted, rubbing his eyes and sighing softly. “Do you have anything that could kill this headache?” He asked hopefully, he didn’t care what it was at this point as long as it made the pain stop.

 

“Yeah, I got some painkillers handy.” Taehyung nodded and took out a little pill case from his jacket pocket, opening it and dumping a couple of pills into his palm. He handed them to Jungkook who swallowed them quickly, wincing a little at the uncomfortable feeling of the dry pills making their way down his swollen throat. “Are you feeling any better? Emotionally I mean?”

 

“Not really.” Jungkook admitted, his shoulders slumping as he looked down at his shoes. He still felt drained, he felt like he was physically wilting, and he had no energy left inside him. All he wanted to do was shut himself in his bedroom and never come back out.

 

“For the record, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Taehyung admitted, and when Jungkook lifted his eyes to look at Taehyung the other wasn’t looking at him. Jungkook thought he saw guilt on his face, but it was difficult to tell for sure. 

 

“I know, you don’t have to apologize.” Jungkook assured him, he didn’t blame Taehyung. It wasn’t his fault, this was just high school. Rumors happened, especially when jealousy got involved. It wasn’t Taehyung’s fault that Jungkook was too raw and sensitive still to handle a few nasty rumors.

 

Taehyung opened his mouth to say something when they were interrupted by the muffled sound of a bell, and almost immediately after students started pouring out of the doors. Jungkook saw several of them look their way and he couldn’t help but sigh heavily, “If I don’t come to school tomorrow, don’t be surprised.” He mumbled as he walked away and headed to Jimin’s mustang to wait for him there. He didn’t need to add more fuel to the fire by hanging around Taehyung where everyone could see.

 

He didn’t have to wait long for Jimin, and as soon as he heard the click of the car doors unlocking he was climbing in and buckling up. “Hey, are you okay?” Jimin asked softly as he got into the drivers seat, but he didn’t start the car just yet. Turning to face Jungkook with that gentle, worried, expression, that same expression Jungkook had seen way too much lately. 

 

“Honestly? No. I’m not.” Jungkook admitted, leaning back against the seat and closing his eyes. The painkillers Taehyung had given him were slowly starting to kick in and the god-awful pounding in his head was at least starting to lessen slightly. “I don’t want to go back there, Jimin.” He whispered, his voice starting to shake again and the hot tears filling up his eyes actually made his headache worse again, forcing him to take deep close breaths to calm himself down. 

 

“I know.” Jimin whispered, sounding almost as broken as Jungkook felt. “Jungkook, I promise we’re going to find out who said those things to you.” 

 

“I already know.” Jungkook said, sighing and opening his eyes slowly, turning his head to look at Jimin. “Juhyun and Jiyeon, I don’t know them but I could point them out if I saw them again.”

 

Jimin cursed under his breath and sighed, “Of course it was. I know those two, they’re part of Taehyung’s little fan club. They bad mouth anyone who gets too close to him.” 

 

Jungkook shrugged and smiled bitterly, “Well thanks to them everyone in school things I’m some kind of p-pathetic s-slut.” He whispered, his voice cracking at the end and he nearly started sobbing again. 

 

“Hey, that’s not true.” Jimin whispered, reaching out and taking Jungkook’s hand, holding it tightly in his. “A couple of stuck up bitches may think that, but not everyone. Most people know Taehyung is a harmless player, if anyone is a slut it’s him.”

 

Jungkook frowned slightly and shook his head, “You shouldn’t be so mean to him, he’s not as bad as you think...” He murmured, but he did feel a little better. A couple of mean girls he could handle, at least he hoped he could anyway. He couldn’t handle the whole school whispering about him and casting him side glances constantly. 

 

“I don’t know about that, but this isn’t about him, it’s about you.” Jimin pointed out gently, squeezing his hand again. “What do you need right now Jungkook? Do you want to go back to the house? Or would you rather do something else for a little while until you’ve calmed down enough to face my mom and dad?”

 

Jungkook groaned softly at the reminder, “Did the school call them?” He asked, and he knew by Jimin’s guilty expression that it wasn’t the school. “Why?”

 

“I was scared, you really lost it Jungkook I was worried about you.” Jimin rushed to explain, but the guilty expression hadn’t left his face. “I didn’t now what else to do, I had to call her and tell her in case you didn’t calm down.”

 

Jungkook sighed and his shoulders slumped as tears finally leaked from the corners of his eyes, “I don’t want to go back to that house, I don’t want to come back to this school tomorrow. I just want to go home. I just want to go home, Jimin.” He whispered, his chest felt like it was filled with lead. His heart was so broken there was simply nothing left to break anymore, he could cry all he wanted but it would never make the pain stop. He could spend the rest of his life trying to glue the pieces back together but his heart would never be whole again.

 

Jimin looked at a complete loss for words, the guilt and pain on his face just further broke Jungkook down. He didn’t want to hurt Jimin, he really didn’t but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop the pain, all he wanted to do was go back in time to when everything was okay again. When nothing hurt and life was simple, when the hardest choice he had to make was whether or not he was going to pack or buy lunch that day. 

 

“I know, I know you do.” Jimin whispered, squeezing his hand before he let go and finally started the car, buckling his seatbelt and pulling out of the nearly empty parking lot. “Just bare with me for a little bit, please?” He begged softly, glancing at Jungkook but his eyes were closed now. 

 

He was desperately trying to will away the tears and the headache, he didn’t want to think anymore. So he simply tried to zone everything out, starting to doze again without even realizing it. He didn’t notice that the drive was taking long than it usually did, if he had been paying attention he would have noticed that Jimin was taking them clear to the other side of town Every red light he took out his phone, fiddling with it but taking care to keep his attention on the road as much as possible. Had Jungkook been awake he would have noticed them they pulled into a very familiar parking lot, however he wasn’t awake and he didn’t realize where they were until Jimin gently shook him awake.

 

“Hey, Jungkook, come on, we’re here.” Jimin whispered, smiling softly when Jungkook’s eyes finally blinked open. He looked at his cousin in bleary confusion, glancing out the window and blinking several times in disbelief.

 

“Are we...?

 

“At the zoo? Yeah.” Jimin grinned and nodded, climbing out of the car and Jungkook scrambled to follow him. He was honestly shocked, he couldn’t believe where Jimin had taken them.

 

“How did you know?” He asked, looking over at his cousin in confusion. 

 

“Christmas party three and a half years ago I think? You were really excited about the new baby snow leopard, you told me all about how you and your mom would come to the zoo every week.” Jimin explained with a soft smile as he looked at the big arch way that welcomed them to the Seoul Zoo. This place was almost as familiar to Jungkook as his house was, and this time the tears that blurred his vision weren’t from pain. 

 

“You really remembered that? After all these years?” Jungkook asked, swallowing hard and he turned to Jimin, wrapping his arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. Even when he hadn’t been paying attention, too wrapped up in his own life to care about what was going on around him, Jimin had been there. All those years, every family reunion Jungkook thought was a boring waste of time, he hadn’t realized just how often he spoke to Jimin during those times. He had never actually put much stock into them because Jimin had always been that adopted cousin he barely knew. Nothing more than that, but now he was honestly wishing he had paid a little more attention. 

 

“Of course I remembered. You think I went to those reunions because they were fun?” Jimin teased, laughing softly and hugging him back. “Definitely not, I went because I knew you’d be there.”

 

Jungkook smiled through the tears that were wetting his cheeks again, and even though he was blushing he managed to look up at Jimin. “I didn’t deserve that, I was a selfish brat.” He pointed out, “I don’t know what you saw in me that was so great...”

 

“I saw my adorable little cousin, who was amazingly animated about every little thing. You always had so much energy, everything was like an adventure to you. That year you first got your permit, you told me all kinds of crazy stories about your ‘near death experiences’ with a fire hydrant and a guard rail. Or that year when you caught the flu and you insisted you had almost died of malaria or something. Oh, or that time you got one of your poems published in that ‘young poets’ book. You showed it off absolutely everyone, it was so cute.” Jimin chuckled and smiled down at Jungkook who’s face was rapidly turning darker and darker shades of red. That definitely sounded like him, and now that Jimin was reminding him he actually did remember a few of those incidents. He had been rather...eccentric at times, a trait he had absolutely inherited straight from his mother. She had always been the same way, every little thing was like an amazing new discovery to her. It was more than rose colored glasses, it was like looking at the world through a prism. The rainbows that danced off everything was extraordinary and breathtaking, his mother had that ability to make even the most mundane things into hidden treasures and Jungkook knew he had learned that from his mother. 

 

He hadn’t felt that way lately though, since his mother died it was like the world just fell flat. He couldn’t find that spark in himself anymore, or in life. “I wish I still was that person.” He admitted softly, he missed his old world, the world he had seen when his mother was still alive. 

 

“You are Jungkook, you’ll see. You’re still that person, he’d just a little sad right now.” Jimin assured him, cupping his cheek and stroking it gently. They stood like that for a long few seconds, just looking at each other and as the seconds ticked by Jungkook was certain nothing would happen. He almost pulled away then Jimin shifted and leaned closer.

 

The kiss was so gentle and brief Jungkook was almost convinced he had imagined it, but the blush on Jimin’s cheeks told him it was very much real. He looked up at Jimin in shock but the other was already heading towards the gates of the zoo, pulling Jungkook along by the grip on his wrist. 

 

He flashed his phone when they reached the ticket deck, and the woman there scanned the two tickets he had already bought on the way there. They were both given a stamp on the back of their hand in the shape of a paw print and a map of the zoo, not that they needed it. Jungkook knew this place better than some of the people who worked there. 

 

Neither of them spoke about the kiss after that, Jungkook was too distracted by the much needed familiarity and comfort the zoo provided. It wasn’t home, but it was the next best thing and he was eternally grateful to Jimin for thinking of this because he knew he never would have.

 

He dragged his cousin all over the zoo, looking at every single habitat and even though he didn’t have his old enthusiasm he still managed to smile more than he had in a while. His headache melted away along with the stress of the day. While he knew nothing had really changed, he was still going to have to face his aunt and uncle later, and he was still going to have to face school the next day. But for a couple of hours he could escape into a world where the pain in his chest was lessened, where he could breathe without tears and grief threatening to over whelm him. His mother was still dead, he could never run far enough to escape that fact, but he could hide from it for a little while. He could disguise it with a familiar setting and Jimin’s comforting presence beside him. 

 

As the day started to wane and what few people had been there started to trickle out, Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s hand and lead him towards his absolute favorite part of the Zoo. During the day it was always impossible to get too, it was too small and too many people wanted to cram inside. But now that everyone was gone and they were nearly alone save the workers and volunteers, it was the perfect time.

 

“Come on, it’s just inside the Aquarium.” Jungkook explained, tugging a slightly reluctant Jimin. Inside the air conditioned building was a massive aquarium, saltwater fish of all kinds were living together in the pseudo-reef. It was beautiful, and Jungkook loved it here. The room was lined with benches for families who wanted to just sit and watch the fish for a break from the heat of the day, but tucked down here the corner was a small tunnel. It was tall enough Jungkook only had to duck a little and it was about two to three feet long. When they came out they were in a small bubble of space beneath the aquarium itself. The fish swam around them on all sides, it was a little disorienting but Jungkook loved it here. 

 

He pulled Jimin down to the single bench in the small space, it was barely big enough for a single family of four or five, which was why it was so impossible to get to during the day. “Isn’t it amazing?” He whispered, looking up and resting his head on Jimin’s shoulder as he let the nostalgia of happier times wash over him. “Mom and I used to come here on Friday evenings, we would wait all day just so we could spent the last hour in here. We’d do nothing but talk, or sometimes she’d bring her sketchbook and I’d bring my notebook. She was a hobby artist, but she was really good. She always had a passion for art, in any form.”

 

Jimin smiled to himself as Jungkook continued talking, despite the claustrophobia sneaking up on him and the mild anxiety that the glass would crack and they would be killed any second, he remained exactly where he was. He wouldn’t have traded that moment for any other in the world or in a hundred life times. 

 

Jungkook was smiling and rambling animatedly, switching topics so quickly Jimin wasn’t really keeping up. He was just happy to see a Jungkook that he could finally recognize. He had known that excitable, happy boy was still in there somewhere, he just needed a little coaxing to find his way back out. 

 

Jungkook was so completely absorbed in his blissful little bubble, his tangent about whether or not eating sushi would really be considered cannibalism cut short by that way too sappy and rather dopey smile on Jimin’s face. “What?” He demanded, blushing lightly and finding himself unable to look at that expression without feeling overwhelmingly embarrassed. 

 

“You’re just so cute.” Jimin admitted with a soft laugh, shaking his head and his arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist, pulling him closer until his lips connected with the younger boy’s temple. 

 

Jungkook leaned against Jimin for a few minutes, his mind replaying the events of the day slowly as a new desire slowly crept it’s way to the forefront of his mind. Jimin had done nothing but take care of him since he’d shown up at his aunt and uncles house. He had become the only person Jungkook trusted and the only one who had held him while he cried and not just once but twice now. 

 

Jimin really was his hero, and as Jungkook finally lifted his head to look up at him there was only one thing he truly wanted in that moment, “Will you kiss me again?” He whispered.

 

Jimin’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and hesitated for a split second before he finally nodded, bringing a hand up from Jungkook’s waist to cup his cheek instead. Jungkook tipped his head into the touch just slightly, it was already so comforting and familiar, soothing the deep ache inside him. 

 

It felt like an eternity that they simply sat like that, looking at each other as the anticipation mounted, and just when Jungkook was starting to think that Jimin would change his mind he leaned forward and their lips touched for the second time that day. But unlike their first kiss, this one didn’t leave Jungkook questioning it’s very existence, this one didn’t leave him questioning anything at all. His mind went completely and utterly blank.

 

Even though it was a chaste kiss, and it barely lasted longer than a few seconds, Jungkook’s cheeks were flushed a deep red when Jimin finally pulled away. His heart was fluttering in his chest, the nervous butterflies in his stomach made him feel slightly nauseous and giddy all at once. 

 

“It’s not fair.” Jimin whispered, bringing Jungkook’s attention back to the older boy and the conflicting emotion he saw in the older’s eyes pulled his lips down in concern. “I’m not supposed to like you.” 

 

Jungkook bit his bottom lip as guilt started to seep in and tarnish the blissful little fantasy world he’d been building around himself for the past half hour or so. Reality was a cruel and heartless master, and no matter how hard Jungkook tried to cling to the happiness he had found in this place that reminded him of home Jimin’s words tore it away. “Then don’t.” He said softly, ducking his head down and closing his eyes tightly. He hadn’t been thinking of them as cousins, but it was quickly becoming clear that Jimin was, and Jungkook couldn’t blame him for that.

 

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Jimin asked, but his tone was as gentle as it always was, even if his expression was lacking it’s usual warm smile. He gently tipped Jungkook’s chin up so the younger boy would look at him. “Just between us, okay?” He whispered, searching Jungkook’s expression and slowly but surely that sweet smile curled his lips and brought with it a measure of warmth to Jungkook’s battered heart.

 

“Just between us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And now I'm finally starting to introduce the two main relationships! =D JiKook and VKook are very different don't you think? But don't worry, this story is only just getting started. There's so much left before any kind of happy ending can be reached. ^^  
> I appreciate any and all comments <3 Please let me know what you think of the story so far!


	8. Old World, New Treasures

The next day found Jungkook stubbornly curled up in bed, his door firmly locked so his aunt couldn’t barge in and force him to go to school. He wasn’t going back, not for a long time if he could help it. 

 

Jimin had promised him several times that he would take care of the rumors but that didn’t mean Jungkook was anywhere near ready to go back. His emotional stability had been seriously shaken, and even though that zoo trip had helped tremendously, he still wasn’t okay.

 

He came out of his room only when he knew his aunt and uncle were gone and only long enough to stock up on snacks and drinks before he shut himself back into his room. He didn’t want to come back out until he was feeling better, feeling a little more in control of himself. Too much had happened too fast, he needed time to process it all.

 

And by ‘process’ he meant attempt to ignore it with pointless cat videos on youtube and enough sugar to put him into a coma. He was completely aware he was acting like a teenage girl but he didn’t care, he needed something mind numbing and cute to draw him away from all of the drama and emotional turmoil his life had suddenly become. 

 

He was actually in the middle of watching another montage of cat videos for the second day in a row when a sharp clatter from his window had him hitting pause and sitting up cautiously. The sound came again but this time it almost sounded like rain.

 

Slowly standing up Jungkook padded over to the window and drew back the curtains, surprised to see Taehyung standing under his window throwing pebbles. The moment he saw Jungkook he grinned and waved. 

 

He rolled his eyes and stepped away from the window, letting the curtain fall again. He debated just ignoring him, but after a few seconds he found himself changing into jeans and a red T-shirt, grabbing a black jacket before he left his room just in case. He made sure to lock the front door behind himself, after double checking he had his phone, and by the time he got down there Taehyung was waiting for him on the front step.

 

“Hey, I came to rescue you from yourself.” He said, that same wicked grin stretching across his face. 

 

“Who says I wanted rescuing?” Jungkook mumbled, pulling on the jacket because it was just a tad too chilly for his liking. He tucked his hands into the pockets and tried to look anywhere but at Taehyung’s face.

 

“You probably didn’t, but you definitely needed it.” Taehyung said, grabbing Jungkook’s wrist and pulling him towards his car. “Now get in, and don’t argue with me.”

 

Jungkook groaned but climbed into the car, he didn’t want to fight Taehyung nearly as much as he wanted to pretend he did. Honestly, he wasn’t any happier cooped up in his room than he was at school, it was just easier in his room because he didn’t have to deal with anyone else. Taehyung’s intervention was actually something of a relief. “Where are we going?” He asked, glancing out the window as Taehyung pulled away from the house.

 

“You’ll see, it’s one of my favorite places to go when I’m feeling like shit.” Taehyung explained, fiddling with the volume on the radio again but this time instead of keeping the volume so they could still hear the music he turned it all the way off. “So, Jimin and I are working on shutting down those rumors. I really am sorry about what happened, I never meant for people to start saying shit like that about you.”

 

Jungkook shook his head and sighed, not really wanting to talk about this again. “It’s fine Taehyung, I understand. This stuff just happens.”

 

“Yeah well, we’re trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Taehyung growled, glaring at the road in front of him. “It shouldn’t have happened to begin with. I mean yeah I’ve taken a few people out just for sex, but that’s not all I do. I think those girls are just jealous that I won’t lower my standards for them.”

 

“Maybe if you didn’t refer to it as ‘lowering your standards’ they might not be so bitter.” Jungkook pointed out dryly, he could understand their upset to a point. If someone he liked said something like that about him it would certainly crush him. He almost felt bad for those girls, but he could never condone trying to make someone else miserable just because they themselves were hurt.

 

“Well maybe, but I’m just being honest.” Taehyung pointed out, shrugging one shoulder and glancing over at Jungkook and flashing him a reckless grin. 

 

“You are such a heartbreaker.” Jungkook accused, his lips twitching a little bit and he actually had to fight to keep the small smile off his face. Something about Taehyung’s utterly carefree nature seemed to cut through all the bullshit and make it all seem so insignificant. 

 

“Not nearly as bad as your cousin. I’m up front about it, Jimin, he crushes people without even meaning to.” Taehyung chuckled and his smile softened as he turned back to looking at the road. 

 

“How so?” Jungkook asked, frowning a little bit and sitting up slightly straighter. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know much of anything about Jimin’s type. He knew he liked Jin, but that was it and one person didn’t equal a type. 

 

“Just the way he is, he’s nice to freakin’ everyone! Except me anymore, but you know, past drama and whatever. The point is, he’s always nice, and people always fall for him. But he’s so stupidly picky, he wants a specific kind of person and he always has. He’s been through so many boyfriends because he can’t find the right one.”

 

“What is it he’s looking for?” Jungkook asked quietly, biting down on his lip. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear the answer though, because Jimin had been being nice to him recently and Jungkook was falling for him, and now it sounded like that was a daily occurrence. “H-has he ever k-kissed anyone?” 

 

“He’s kissed a few people, like I said he’s too damn nice sometimes. If he knows they like him, he tries not to hurt them.” Taehyung explained, hitting the brakes and taking a hard right that had a few people laying on their horns but he just cackled and ignored them. “Sorry about that, I always try to blow past this turn. Anyway, I don’t know his exact type, just that he likes the cute sweet ones. They’ve never been my type before.”

 

“What about Jin?” Jungkook asked in confusion, he knew Taehyung liked Jin, and yeah Jin seemed sweet but he didn’t seem to be overly cute that Jungkook could tell. He had a nice smile certainly, but Jungkook thought he was more pretty than cute. 

 

“Jin... I don’t know. It’s different with him.” Taehyung tried to explain, turning into a small parking lot and shutting off the car, but he didn’t get out he turned to face Jungkook instead. “I thought I knew why I liked him.”

 

“But you don’t now?” Jungkooked asked, frowning in confusion. 

 

“Not really.” Taehyung sighed and smiled but it didn’t have his usual spark, he almost looked tired. “Isn’t that weird?”

 

“Not really, I think it happens. Sometimes you just fall out of love.” Jungkook said, shaking his head and slowly reaching over to place a hand over Taehyung’s, squeezing it lightly in an attempt at reassurance. “So um, where are we anyway?” He asked, looking out the window to try to draw the subject away from Jin.

 

“Oh! This place is just a little mom and pop antique store.” Taehyung explained, climbing out of the car finally and waiting for Jungkook before he continued. “I don’t know how they stay open, but I come here all the time when I actually have some extra cash to spend.”

 

“Really?” Jungkooked asked, trying not to sound skeptical but the little run down shop wasn’t the kind of place he would have normally looked twice at. It was in serious need of a makeover and a fresh coat of paint. The sign was so faded he almost couldn’t read the words, ‘Old World, New Treasures’. It was written in English, so it took him several seconds to actually decode what it said, English had never been his strong suit.

 

The interior smelled like potpourri and pumpkin spice, and it was crammed full of wooden shelving and stands that were covered in knick knacks of every kind. Some things were old, some were newer, pictures and paintings adorned almost every inch of the wall space that wasn’t already covered by wreaths and posters. It was an organized clutter and the whole place held a rustic sort of charm. 

 

“Welcome, ahh hello again Taehyung, I was hoping to see you again. I have some things for you.” An elderly woman greeted them from the back of the shop. She smiled kindly at Taehyung and disappeared past a doorway, a few concerning bangs were heard as well as rustling before the woman came back out with a box full of framed paintings. “We got these in over the past week, I wanted you to see them before I put them out for sale.”

 

Taehyung’s face split into a wide grin and he hurried back to look through the box, “Oh wow, these are perfect!” He exclaimed excitedly, pulling out a few paintings before carefully setting them back into the box again. Jungkook noticed they were all landscapes of different kinds, lakes, mountains, flowering fields. All kinds painted in different styles, obviously by several different artists, but the smile on Taehyung’s face, Jungkook would have thought he’d struck gold. “How much for the whole box?” He asked, his smile faltering finally as he bit his lip and pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket.

 

“There are seven paintings there, I’ll give them to you for $10 a piece.” The elderly woman decided with a small nod, smiling softly. “Or $50 for the whole box.” She added when Taehyung’s face fell a little bit. 

 

“Do you accept credit cards?” Jungkook asked quietly, stepping up and popping off the cover of his phone, pulling out the credit card his mother had given him a couple of years ago for ‘just in case’. It was linked to a bank account where she’d been putting aside money for him for years, he didn’t know how much was in it, he was scheduled to sit down with a lawyer in the next couple of weeks to figure all that out. 

 

“Oh yes, we do. My son came in about last month or so and installed a credit card reader. Not many people carry cash on them anymore.” The woman explained, smiling kindly and going over to her register. Tapping in some numbers and nodding, “$50 total, are you using your card then dearie?” She asked.

 

Jungkook nodded and handed over the small piece of plastic, ignoring Taehyung’s attempts to protest. “It’s okay.” He assured him with a smile that was a little too hollow. “I really don’t mind, besides, you’ve done so much for me already.” He pointed out softly, he owed Taehyung at least this much. He didn’t enjoy using the credit card because, like so many other things, it reminded him of his mother. 

 

The woman handed back the card and Jungkook quickly tucked it back into his phone case and readjusted it. Glancing at Taehyung and offering him a more genuine smile this time at his look of concern. “I’m sorry, it’s just difficult.” He admits quietly, “Everything seems to remind me of mom, I guess I’m not being very good company.”

 

“I’m not really expecting you to be.” Taehyung pointed out, his lips twitching as he tried to hide a smile and Jungkook knew he was just teasing him. He picked up the box of paintings and his expression turned sheepish as he looked down at his new treasures, “Thank you for this, I’ll find a way to pay you back. I promise.” He insisted, his expression leaving no room for the protest on the tip of Jungkook’s tongue.

 

They left the little shop after that and Taehyung tucked the box of paintings into his backseat, making sure they wouldn’t fall before he climbed into the drivers seat, “Hey, do you want to go to my house with me?” He asked once Jungkook was in his seat and buckled up. 

 

“Uhh yeah, sure, will your parents be there?” Jungkook asked, a little apprehensive about meeting Taehyung’s parents so soon. He wasn’t really ready to meet any parents, he wasn’t so sure he would pull off a proper first impression in the mental state he was in.

 

“I don’t know, my mom might be but she won’t pay any attention to us if she is.” Taehyung shrugged and started the car, “I’m practically dead to her, she doesn’t care what I do as long as I don’t break anything or set the house on fire.” 

 

“Oh, alright then.” Jungkook nodded slowly, feeling a little uneasy anyway though. Taehyung’s mother didn’t seem like the nicest person, and she was the one person Jungkook would rather avoid if he could. It would be just his luck that she’d be the one they might run in to.

 

It turned out Taehyung only lived a few blocks away from Jimin, his house was actually rather nice. It was clear his parents had money, especially with the brand new cadillac sitting in the driveway. The yard was neatly trimmed, with hedges surrounding it, not a single leaf out of place that Jungkook could see. As Taehyung pulled into the driveway and turned off the car he let out a low groan, “Yep, Mom’s home. Sorry, just ignore her and she’ll ignore us.” He suggested, climbing out of the car and pulling out his box of paintings carefully. 

 

He lead the way to the door, trying the handle and pushing it open when he realized the door wasn’t locked. As Jungkook walked inside the first thing he noticed was the sweet, fragrant, smell of synthetic flowers, it was almost suffocating it as so thick. There were bouquets of fake flowers on a small oak stand by the door, a beautiful painting of a cherry blossom tree took up most of the wall space in the hallway directly in front of the door. 

 

However, instead of going further into the house, Taehyung took an immediate left and opened a door that Jungkook had originally mistaken for a closet. It opened onto a set of stairs, and after flipping on the switch the bright light from several naked bulbs light up the stairway and the basement beneath. Taehyung lead the way down the stairs, and Jungkook automatically pulled the door shut behind himself. The basement was naturally cool, and thankfully the over bearing smell of flowers was faded down here, so he could at least breathe a little easier. 

 

The entire basement was set up like it’s own apartment, there was a bed in one corner near a bookshelf and a desk. A giant over-stuffed couch in the center facing a flat screen TV that was so big it almost reached the ceiling. On the far side was an open door that lead to a bathroom, the only thing it was missing was a kitchen. By far the most remarkable part of the entire set up, was the decorations. Starting from the bedroom area there were framed pictures slowly creeping across the walls. Each one showed a painted landscape, and what looked like carefully cut out magazine clippings of people and animals. The smiling faces of couples and families looked out at him from each frame. Taehyung seemed to have been working on slowly covering every wall with the pictures, though Jungkook didn’t know why. It was definitely a unique decorating idea. 

 

“This is home.” Taehyung announced, smiling as he walked over and set his box on the bed, taking out all seven pictures and laying them out on the bed side by side. He walked over to a set of plastic drawers and took out the top three, setting those on the bed as well. 

 

“What are you doing?” Jungkook asked curiously, walking closer but not wanting to interrupt whatever it was Taehyung was up to. 

 

“Come on, I’ll show you, I won’t bite.” Taehyung chuckled and patted the edge of the bed. Jungkook hesitated for a moment or two before he walked over and sat down. Once he was closer he could see that each of the plastic drawers were filled with magazine clippings. One had women in it, of every age and nationality, the other had men, and the last one had children in it. They had to have come from hundreds of different magazines, and they were so carefully cut out it had to have taken hours. 

 

He watched as Taehyung picked up a cityscape and flipped it over, carefully removing the back and taking out the painting itself. He set it aside then started digging through his drawer full of cuts out, finding a younger woman dressed in full chic couture, her long hair braided and hanging over her shoulder and wide black glasses on her face. He set her aside and switched drawers until he found a male actor, classically handsome dressed in a similar style as the girl. He set him next to the woman he had already picked out and he finally started looking through the last drawer, it took him longer this time and when he finally pulled out a clipping it showed twin boys about two or three years old. They were dressed in white button up shirts and black dress pants, their hair was adorably disheveled and they were leaning against each other as they tried to look cool for the camera in their matching sunglasses. 

 

Once he was finished picking them all out he started to arrange them on the cityscape painting. They were just slightly off center, the twins between the man and woman. Once he had them just the way he wanted them he took out some glue from the stand next to the bed and carefully glued each person onto the picture. Once he was finished he put the picture back in the frame and reattached the back. Flipping it over to admire his finished product. “What do you think?” He asked, looking over at Jungkook and smiling.

 

“It’s...unique.” Jungkook finally said after mulling it over for a few seconds. He was afraid his response would insult Taehyung but the older boy just threw his head back and laughed. 

 

“Unique huh? Thanks.” He chuckled, wiping his watery eyes and grinning brightly. “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t make much sense huh?” He guessed, looking down at the painting. “I’ve been doing this for a couple of years now. It keeps me from getting too bitter about my life.” He explained, standing up slowly and looking for an empty space he could potentially hang the new picture. “Each one of these pictures is a family I put together. People who were strangers before I cut them out.” 

 

Taehyung walked over to a picture that was hanging near the bed, it showed a beautiful Chinese woman with white flowers braided into her hair, wearing a pale blue sundress. Beside her was a handsome Italian model, wearing a blue plaid shirt and jeans. A child was sitting between them, a little girl with curly black hair wearing a cute flowery dress. The landscape behind them was a pretty green field, a cloud of butterflies fluttering into the sky. It perfectly depicted spring, and the family was all smiles and sunshine. It all went together rather beautifully and Jungkook could see the art in it and the emotion behind it, even if all Taehyung had done was cut some pictures and glue them onto a painting. 

 

“I can’t change my mother, or my life. But I can remind myself that happy families exist by surrounding myself with them. I create pictures of smiling families because it keeps me happy.” Taehyung explained gently, looking back at Jungkook and smiling a beautiful and warm smile that could rival even Jimin’s best. “Some day, I’ll have this kind of a family. Not a wife of course, but I’ll have a happy family.”

 

Jungkook couldn’t help but smile shyly back, looking from picture to picture and seeing each beautifully put together family and somehow Taehyung knew how to put them together in just the right way. The people in the pictures complimented each other so well, they really looked like family. 

 

“They’re beautiful Taehyung, and I’m sure you’ll make someone a great husband some day.” Jungkook said, blushing lightly at the words and looking pointedly away. His blush only growing deeper when Taehyung chuckled and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him against himself and Jungkook felt lips brushing against his ear. 

 

“You really think so?” Taehyung whispered, his tone dipping low and sending a shiver down Jungkook’s spine. “And what about you Jungkook? What is it you want?”

 

Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat and his mouth went dry at the question. What did he want? His mind flashed back to the scene in the car several days ago, the delicious friction and mind numbing pleasure. He quickly shook his head and stepped away from Taehyung, his cheeks burning. 

 

“I..I d-don’t know.” Jungkook mumbled, staking a few steps back as Taehyung set his newest picture aside and slowly advanced on him. He didn’t stop until Jungkook’s knees hit the couch and he toppled backwards with a startled gasp. 

 

“I think you do.” Taehyung argued, smirking as he stepped closer and knelt down on the couch next to Jungkook, his hands caging in the younger’s head. 

 

Jungkook gulped and looked up at Taehyung with wide eyes, he was trembling but his body felt too hot, he licked his dry lips and struggled for the right words, “I want... I want to forget. I want you to make me forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was a bit distracted writing this chapter, so I'm sorry if it's not as good at the others ;;
> 
> Don't be afraid to be honest with me, if you don't like it that's okay ^^;


	9. The Definition of Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what happened with this chapter .-.  
> So uh... sorry?  
> Please don't hate me ;~;  
> But feel free to leave an honest opinion!

“How?” Taehyung whispered, that smirk still there as his dipped closer still until their breath mingled and Jungkook’s head swam. His whole body was trembling as a slow burn started to grow hotter inside him, spurred on by that mischievous curve of Taehyung’s lips. 

How? What a horrible question to ask, Jungkook didn’t know what he wanted. Just that he wanted. He wanted the all consuming fire to burn away the last memories of his mother until he was just floating in synthetic bliss. He wanted to find solace in the escape that Taehyung’s touch offered, he wanted to hide from his own emotions, from the confusion, from the pain. 

When he looked back up into Taehyung’s eyes he saw the understanding there, in the way his smile had softened just the slightest bit, seemingly weighed down by sympathy. It should have hurt, seeing it there, but there was something else in Taehyung’s eyes, something brighter and stronger in their depths that out weighed the small sentimentality. 

It wasn’t quite lust, there was no carnal need that Jungkook could see. It was something else, like a challenge, mixed with playful insight, and just a hint of knowingness that had Jungkook’s cheeks burning a little brighter. There was no doubt in Jungkook’s mind that the older boy knew exactly what he wanted, but there was also no doubt that Taehyung would wait until the request was spoke aloud. 

It wasn’t about permission either, it was about pushing Jungkook just that much further into the whirlwind of lust and confusion that Taehyung’s mere presence seemed to create. Slowly, Jungkook managed to open his mouth and rasped out a soft, “Touch me.” It wasn’t much, but it was enough to cause Taehyung’s lips to crash against his. 

For a brief moment he was back in the car at the parking lot of the pizza place, disoriented and so overwhelmed by the intensity of Taehyung’s kiss. This time, however, he wasn’t as inexperienced. He knew what he wanted, and even though he knew without a moment's doubt he would regret this later he still curled his fingers into Taehyung’s shirt and pulled him closer. 

He craved this, this fire that Taehyung stirred in him with each stroke of his tongue. The kiss was messy, and inelegant, mostly thanks to Jungkook’s own inexperience. A soft chuckle brought a blush to Jungkook’s cheeks but he ignored it because Taehyung was slowly guiding him, coaxing him with teasing brushes of his tongue until Jungkook’s wet muscle breached the foreign territory of Taehyung’s mouth. 

This was an entirely different experience, Taehyung tasted like tobacco and spice, something almost like cinnamon but it was entirely unique. Jungkook was quick to turn shy though and he retreated, pulling away from the kiss and panting softly. “Taehyung, please.” He begged softly, he could feel his arousal stirring in his jeans, he was right on the edge of that oblivion he was so desperately seeking. 

Taehyung didn’t say anything in response, he didn’t need to, that smirk that flashed across his face held more promise than any words could have. Slowly he shifted and his knee pressed between Jungkook’s legs, resting against his semi-hard erection and pulling a soft gasp from the younger boy. One of Taehyung’s hands slipped around Jungkook’s waist and he was forced to arch his back and subsequently press himself more firmly against Taehyung’s knee. The resulting friction made Jungkook dizzy, and he couldn’t help the slight rocking motion of his hips, each subtle movement just rubbing him against Taehyung and causing soft whimpers of need to fall from his lips. 

It was an exquisitely beautiful trap, forcing Jungkook to pleasure himself like that, showing the younger boy just how blatantly enslaved he was by his own desperate and burning need. He should have stopped, in another time, another version of himself would have. The old Jungkook would never have done something like this, he would never have ended up in this situation at all. But here he was, grinding against Taehyung with increasing need and louder moans and the older boy peppered his face and neck with encouraging kisses. He was saying something but Jungkook honestly couldn’t hear him over his own noises. 

He did hear when the door at the top of the stairs suddenly banged open loud enough to shake the wall, and he did hear when an angry and horribly familiar voice suddenly rang out, “Dammit Taehyung! Where is he?” 

Jungkook gasped and his whole body froze, his eyes widening in horrified disbelief as Jimin stormed down the stairs, he couldn’t see his cousin but he could hear the angry footsteps getting increasingly louder. He had expected Taehyung to jump away from him, but when he felt the knee between his legs suddenly start rubbing in circles he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep a whimper at bay. He tried to push at Taehyung but he was met with solid resistance, he hadn’t actually realized it until then but Taehyung was nearly as well built as Jimin, he was just slighter because of the added height.

“How did you get in here?” Taehyung asked, sounding bored and just slightly annoyed as he raised his head to look at Jimin, his expression expectant as he locked eyes with his ex-best friend.

“It’s not like you moved the spare key.” Jimin pointed out, still sounding pissed but like he was at least attempting to reign himself in. “Where is he?” He demanded again, and Jungkook realized at that point that he’d sunk just low enough to be hidden by the back of the couch, which meant Jimin couldn’t see him, and didn’t know he was here. That slight relief didn’t last long though because a particularly firm rub from Taehyung’s knee had him choking on a sob. He couldn’t seem to keep his hips under control, even in this situation they were helplessly rocking into the friction Taehyung provided. Even though he was screaming as his body to stop, the throb between his legs made it impossible to obey. 

Jimin’s eyes widened in disbelieving shock, while Taehyung just like that infuriating smirk curl his lips again, “Does that answer your question?” He purred, he really should have seen the hit coming but it caught him by surprise when Jimin’s fist swung out and connected hard with his jaw. Sending him falling backwards onto the floor, and he landed rather painfully the carpet not doing much to soften the concrete below. “What the hell man?!” He demanded, sitting up and rubbing his sore jaw as he glared over the couch at Jimin.

“Don’t what the hell me! You’re molesting my cousin!” Jimin snarled, their argument slowly drawing Jungkook out of the lust induced haze he’d been struggling in. Now that the stimulation was gone his erection was more than a little painful but he could actually think again. A rush of embarrassment hit him so hard he whimpered, wanting to disappear into the couch and just vanish from existence.

However, seeing Taehyung on the floor with a slowly blossoming bruise on his jaw dragged him out of his mortification long enough to speak, “He w-wasn’t molesting me.” He tried to get the words out but they were apparently too soft spoken because Jimin raged on without pause.

“This is exactly the kind of shit that had him locking himself in his room the first fucking time! What the hell is wrong with you Taehyung? He doesn’t need you preying on his emotions like this!” 

“He didn’t molest me!” Jungkook spoke up, louder this time as he pushed himself to sit up so he could twist and face Jimin. It was really the last thing he wanted to do, he was still horribly turned on, confused to no end, and he was rapidly developing a headache, and there was the urge to cry that was steadily growing stronger. But he couldn’t just keep letting Taehyung take the fall for his own selfishness. Jimin might have been willing to believe that Taehyung was a monster, but Jungkook wouldn’t allow him to blame Taehyung for what was entirely consensual and his own fault. 

Facing Jimin right then was more difficult than he could have predicted, he could read the anger in his cousin’s eyes but there was something else too, something beneath that and no matter how hard Jungkook tried to decipher the look he just couldn’t. “He didn’t molest me.” He whispered, repeating the words again as he struggled to figure out what to say, some way to justify what he’d been doing, but he came up blank. There was no justification for it, it was exactly what it looked like, he’d let Taehyung have his way with him because he selfishly needed the break from everything. 

“That what was that?” Jimin asked slowly, his stance slowly relaxing but the anger certainly hadn’t faded from his eyes yet. That look that Jungkook couldn’t decipher seemed to be growing though as his cousin looked from him, to Taehyung who was still playing cautious and staying on the floor where he was out of punching range. 

“He asked me to.” Taehyung grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking annoyed. Out of the three of them he was least emotional about the situation, almost nonchalant despite his annoyance at getting hit. Like it was a common occurrence that his ex-best friend barged in on him while he was in the middle of trying to get off said ex-best friends cousin. Adding in the almost but not relationship between those cousins and it was a convoluted mess that made Jungkook’s head throb painfully, it was almost enough to kill his erection but apparently not quite. 

All he had wanted was a few minutes of peace, a few minutes to pull away and forget. To let himself go and just feel something that wasn’t the same painful aching emptiness. He should have known he would never be allowed that respite, the fates were working against him it seemed. Hell bent on making his life even more miserable than it already was. 

“I just wanted to forget.” Jungkook admitted softly, he could feel tears of shame burning in his eyes as he dropped his head onto the back of the couch, hiding the tears and hiding from Jimin’s expression. He didn’t want to look at it anymore, he didn’t want his cousin to inevitably realize how messed up he was and give up on him. It was what Jungkook deserved really, he deserved Jimin to hate him for this, for turning to Taehyung like that and letting the other boy pull him into twisted desires he barely understood. 

“Jungkook…” Jimin’s soft reply came and it actually hurt more than his disgust would have. A gentle hand on his shoulder had him choking on another sob and his time for an entirely different reason. Why did Jimin have to be so nice? Why did he have to be so understanding even when Jungkook didn’t deserve it?

“Oh great, I finally had him cheering up.” Taehyung sighed and Jungkook felt the couch dip before a warm hand was rubbing circles on his back. He knew it was Taehyung’s, it was too big to be Jimin’s, and somehow Jungkook felt himself shattering even more. 

Broken sobs of pain and self-loathing echoed off the cement walls as Jungkook gave up trying to keep a hold of himself and just sank into the darkness that had been relentlessly clawing at him. 

He didn’t deserve this, Jimin’s constant and unwavering understanding, or Taehyung’s stubborn unyielding friendship. He was just a pathetic, selfish, broken version of himself, someone who elicited pity and sympathy from the world because he was too helpless to even realize just how badly broken he was. 

He was doing nothing but playing Jimin and Taehyung’s emotions, using them to try to try to make himself seem a little more tolerable in his own eyes. Make himself seem less like the ghost of himself he knew he was, he was using them to try to black out the painful memories, desperately chasing the miniscule relief he felt when he was with them. It wasn’t fair to them though, it wasn’t fair that he was doing this without their consent. He was like a disgusting leech, taking the vital nutrients he needed but giving back nothing but pain in return. He hated himself more than he could ever remember hating himself before, and he wished it was him who had gotten the cancer and not his mother. He was the one who deserved to die, not her. 

“Jungkook...please…” A soft voice broke through his mental tirade, it’s wavering timbre and broken tone had him lifting his head to see the tear filled eyes of his cousin looking back at him. “Please don’t cry anymore. I’m sorry.” He begged, and Jungkook realized with a fresh wave of horror that Jimin was blaming himself for this. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, his voice cracking as tears trickled down his cheeks.

“What can we do to make this better?” Taehyung whispered, his voice was scratchy and rough, when Jungkook turned to look at him another shot of pain tore at his frayed heart. He didn’t look much better than Jimin, his eyes were red though there was no evidence of tears on his cheeks at least, but that was a minor comfort that was easily overshadowed by the overwhelming guilt in Taehyung’s eyes. 

All Jungkook was doing was hurting them both, he was an awful excuse for a human being and he deserved to die for it. It wasn’t fair that they had to hurt because of him, because he was too pathetic to have done what he knew he should have. He’d been too scared, too alone, too heart broken and lost after his mother’s death to even contemplate suicide but now it just seemed to clear to him. 

Jimin and Taehyung would be better off without him, his Aunt and Uncle would be better off too. “I’m s-sorry.” He heard himself whisper, he hadn’t even realized the desire to speak was there until the words were out, but somehow having settled on his decision he felt almost better. The tears were slowing down and the sobs calmed, the self-loathing and pain were slowly being replaced by numb acceptance. It was better this way, he wouldn’t be around to keep hurting anyone anymore. “You w-won’t have to d-deal with me anym-more.” He promised them, slowly sitting up and wiping away the tears that still clung to stubbornly to his lashes. He didn’t want to do this crying, he felt like he’d cried enough to fill an ocean already. 

He couldn’t bring himself to look at them, if he had he would have seen the terrified realization in Jimin’s eyes and the desperate look he cast at Taehyung. He would have seen the cool resolve settle over Taehyung’s features and the subtle shake of his head. 

“And what the hell makes you think you get to decide that?” Taehyung’s cold voice demanded, prompting Jungkook to look up at him as momentary confusion broke through the numbness inside him. “You think you get to run away because shit happened and life isn’t sunshine and roses? Fuck that. I didn’t run away, not even when I lost everything. At least your mother died, she didn’t have a choice, my mother chose to stop giving a shit about me and my father chose to follow her. At least you know your mother loved you, but what the hell do I have huh? When I feel like shit and want to die what do I have to fall back on? You don’t realize how fucking lucky you are! Yeah it fucking hurts, sure it does, but you think that what, slitting your wrists or walking out in front of traffic makes the pain stop? Yeah sure, you get to end it, you don’t have to care anymore but what about me an’ Jimin? What happens to us when you kill yourself like a fucking coward? How are we supposed to be face ourselves knowing we fucking killed someone?!” He demanded, by the end of his rant he had both fists buried in Jungkook’s shirt and he was shaking him almost violently. The anger in his voice wasn’t what finally broke through to Jungkook, it was the raw emotion. The hurt, the pain, the disbelief, the betrayal, all of it so openly displayed, and Jungkook finally realized just how much of that Taehyung hid behind lazy smirks and too-big smiles. Jungkook hadn’t been the only one desperate for an escape, he hadn’t been using Taehyung, they’d been using each other. 

That shatteringly realization was enough to ground Jungkook very firmly, and very painfully, back in reality. The numbness was gone, replaced by the soul deep hurt that he couldn’t shake and the overwhelming torrent of emotions that refused to let him breathe. He was finally looking at Taehyung again and the guilt he felt tearing away inside him, was intense. How could he have really considered killing himself so easily? The wounds he had, and the ones he was accidentally creating, could never be healed if he died, they would just remain torn open and bloody forever. Always a nasty reminder of what happened and a painful mockery of what might have been. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, grasping onto the hands that were still buried in his shirt, he could feel them trembling beneath his grip and he only tightened his hold a little more. Fresh tears were slipping down his cheeks despite how swollen and sore his eyes were. 

“Why does no one ever just talk to me?” Jimin’s voice startled them both and they turned to see the other boy, his fists clenched and shaking, but he was looking only at Taehyung. The betrayal and pain in his eyes hurt Jungkook to see and he felt Taehyung flinch. 

“Because I knew you’d want to fix it.” Taehyung admitted quietly, finally releasing his death grip on Jungkook’s shirt. “You always want to be the hero Jimin, but there are some things you just can’t fix. You would have gotten hurt trying.” 

“Then let me get hurt!” Jimin demanded, finally walked around the couch so he could sit down on Jungkook’s other side, his presence was a small comfort though. Jungkook was still reeling from the emotional upheaval that was still somehow escalating, he was just grateful it wasn’t focused on him any longer. It gave him a chance to breathe and pretend to get himself under some semblance of control. “Let me get hurt trying, dammit Taehyung.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I let you do that?” 

“The kind who didn't have to hurt alone.”


	10. A Picture's Worth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly I want to apologize for the fact that this chapter is also unedited. I've been working on going through my chapters to edit them, but it's slow progress because of work and school.
> 
> Secondly I want to apologize for how long it has taken me to get this posted. I promise I never wanted this story to sit so long, and I still have plans to finish it. So I hope you guys don't hate this chapter. I'm trying to get back into things again.

“Then let me get hurt!” Jimin demanded, finally walked around the couch so he could sit down on Jungkook’s other side, his presence was a small comfort though. Jungkook was still reeling from the emotional upheaval that was still somehow escalating, he was just grateful it wasn’t focused on him any longer. It gave him a chance to breathe and pretend to get himself under some semblance of control. “Let me get hurt trying, dammit Taehyung.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I let you do that?” 

“The kind who wasn’t hurting alone.”

Taehyung and Jimin were both glaring at each other, the tension between them only seemed to grow as the silence got longer. Jungkook had sank back into the couch again as far as he could go. He wanted to cover his eyes, cover his ears, he wanted to hide away until it was over. He felt so raw, so sensitive, that every spike of emotion was more impossibly painful than the last. 

“I don’t need a fucking hero,” Taehyung finally spat, shifting and turning himself just enough that he was no longer fully facing Jimin. He was glaring at the floor, his fists clenched on his lap and his jaw was tighter than Jungkook’s coiled up emotions.

“But you need a friend,” Jimin tried to argue. He knew it was pointless, he knew how stubborn Taehyung could be. It was like arguing with dam wall. No matter how hard you tried to tell it that it couldn’t hold up any longer, you wouldn’t get anywhere. It was futile, exhausting, and in the end you always felt like an idiot. 

“Yeah, well… I made my choices didn’t I?” That wasn’t the response that Jimin had been expecting, and with Taehyung’s face turned away from him he couldn’t read the emotions that were filling his tone. Taehyung almost sounded regretful. 

Jungkook finally blinked damp eyes up at the pair of them, rubbing away the tears that clung to his lashes. He had been so internally focused he hadn’t really heard much of what was going on between the older two, but he could read the tension in Taehyung’s body and he was close enough to see the glistening of unshed tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t good at these kinds of things. All he seemed to be good at was making everything worse. 

Slowly he just leaned over, until his weight rested against Taehyung and his head was against his arm. He felt so worn, so exhausted, and he just wanted to do something good. Anything at this point. 

“Dammit… I don’t want help,” Taehyung growled angrily, he wanted to push Jungkook away but he didn’t move. He couldn’t lashed out at him even with the anger coursing through him, the frustration at himself. 

“I’m sure you don’t, but maybe you need it,” Jungkook mumbled, using the same words that he remembered Taehyung saying to him earlier that day. He hadn’t liked the argument used against him earlier, but he also knew he was grateful for Taehyung not caring about what he wanted in the face of what he needed. 

Taehyung wasn’t so easy though. He shook his head and stood up, refusing to look at them as he walked over to pick up his TV remote. “You need to leave now.” He didn’t look at either one of them as he turned on TV and started flipping through the guide to find a channel to distract him.

Jungkook wasn’t sure what to do, and Jimin was watching Taehyung with an indecipherable look. He felt so… lost. He couldn’t figure himself out let alone Taehyung. He wanted to help, but how could he? He’d just been ready to kill himself, and now… now he was just back to existing. Everything felt like it was messed up and spiraling out of control. What happened to the fairy tales and the happily ever afters? Why is it reality always seemed to make things worse before they ever got better? Assuming they ever got better.

He felt himself shaking again, and Jungkook wanted to curl up and cry until his soul was empty and he had nothing left to pour out. He felt a warm hand covering his and he looked up to see Jimin smiling softly at him. It wasn’t the happy kind of smile, it was sad, gentle, like rain in autumn. Despite the world dying around it, the water tried futilely to bring back life. Jungkook felt like a dried up leaf, fallen from the tree and waiting to slowly, inevitably, disintegrate. 

“Come on, we should go,” he whispered, his fingers curling around Jungkook’s and he was gently pulled to his feet. He couldn’t help looking back at Taehyung as he was guided to the stairs, but he was too focused on the TV. Avoiding them, just waiting for them to leave and Jungkook knew that Taehyung would fall apart all alone, surrounded by fake smiles and imitation happiness. 

He didn’t really remember getting back to Jimin’s mustang, and he was almost certain he hadn’t buckled himself in. Nothing really started to register until he looked out the window and realized they weren’t moving. They were at one of the metro parks but Jungkook honestly couldn’t have said which one. 

“What are we doing here?” He asked, turning to look at his cousin who was leaning back in his seat, playing with his keys. 

“Waiting for you,” he said, glancing up at Jungkook and offering him that same small, sad little smile that only reminded Jungkook how parched he felt inside. The dry edges of his soul chafed and burned, as painful as his swollen eyes. 

“To do what?” he whispered.

“To come back to me.” Jimin set the keys down in the cup holder and reached out to touch Jungkook’s cheek, stroking it gently like he was afraid his touch was going to cause him to shatter. 

Jungkook shivered at the warmth of Jimin’s hand, closing his eyes for a few blissful moments. For just a fraction of a breath, the moment was perfect. The soft touch of their skin, the warmth, the understanding, the silence. For that one fleeting moment Jungkook was okay. That moment was gone almost quicker than it came though, and Jimin spoke again. 

“You were gone for a while, I didn’t want to take you home until you were okay.” 

Home. 

That house was as much a home to Jungkook as those pictures in Taehyung’s room were his family. It was a mockery of the word, a bitter reminder that Jungkook just didn’t belong. Jimin was trying so hard, trying to make it a place where Jungkook could find refuge instead of a prison of reminders. 

“I want to go home…” Jungkook admitted, his voice cracking and tears he didn’t even know he had left slipping from swollen eyes and trailing down to dot his already damp shirt. 

Jimin didn’t need an explanation to understand. He picked the keys back up and turned the car on. He didn’t say a word as he pulled out of the parking lot, and Jungkook couldn’t have told you where they were going. The world was blurred by tears, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t see past each painful beat of his heart. 

He wanted to go back to Taehyung.

He wanted to go home.

He wanted to die.

He wanted to live.

He wanted to curl up in Jimin and never leave.

So many conflicted thoughts, so many emotions churning and slamming against him, an unrelenting torrent. One moment he felt so empty, dry, and painful, and the next he was overwhelmed with too much and it still hurt. The pain of it all was a constant he couldn’t seem to escape.

“Jungkook?”

He closed his eye tighter, trying to hold in the sobs because his body wouldn’t take anymore. His lungs hurt, his chest hurt, his eyes hurt. Always, always, always. He didn’t have the strength to stop it. 

“Jungkook?” The touch against his shoulder startled him and he looked back up at Jimin, having forgotten already that he’d still been in the car. “Sorry, I don’t know which way to go…” He explained, gesturing to an intersection they were stopped at despite the glaring green light. 

It should have been familiar. Jungkook knew that as he looked around. Everything was so bright. He felt like it should have been night time, it had been forever since he’d let Taehyung drag him out of his house but apparently it had only been a few hours. They hadn’t even missed dinner yet. 

It was like his mind couldn’t process what he was seeing. Street signs, names, shop fronts. All of it was so achingly familiar but alien all at the same time. He wasn’t even the same person who had gone to the ice cream shop on his way home from school with his friends every friday. It was like watching a movie and not a memory. He was so detached from it. 

“Left…” he finally said, looking around, trying to be sure. There. Finally. He saw what he was looking for and he reached out to hold onto Jimin’s wrist, pointing to the shop. He couldn’t find the words, but he didn’t need them. Jimin pulled smoothly into a parking space beside the art store and shut off the car. 

“What is this?” He asked, looking at Junkook and waiting for some kind of explanation but he was already climbing out. He followed after him as quickly as he could, locking the car behind him and slipping the keys into his pocket as Jungkook was opening the shop door. 

The cheerful jingle of the bell sounded like a death knell in Jungkook’s mind and he winced, almost stepping back out but he felt a solid presence against him, slowly coaxing him into the store instead. 

“It’s alright,” Jimin whispered. It was amazing how he knew. How could he possibly know what Jungkook never spoke? He never explained anything, he just demanded and expected his cousin would comply. Because Jimin was too nice, because Jimin just wanted him to be okay. 

Jungkook slowly turned to take Jimin’s hand, holding it tightly to try to convince himself he wasn’t shaking as he lead him into the store. The cashier was disinterested, poured over a magazine and chewing gum. She hadn’t even bothered to glance up when the bell above the door rang, but it didn’t matter. Jungkook knew this shop.

He lead Jimin down a narrow hallway and into a second room that read ‘local artists’ at the doorway. He stopped at the back wall, staring up at the plaque that read ‘In Loving Memory’ a picture of his mother underneath with the words ‘A talented artist and wonderful mother’ were written. It was surrounded by all the little art projects that used to fill his mother’s room. She had given them to the shop from time to time, but her will had donated the rest of them when she died. All except the ones she had given to Jungkook. The ones that were still hiding away in boxes in his room because he couldn’t bring himself to unpack them.

Jimin’s arms went around his waist, and he pulled him back into him, his lips pressing against Jungkook’s temple. He didn’t say anything, and Jungkook was grateful for that. He wasn’t sure he could have brought himself to speak. He just trembled and cried. 

He cried because he couldn’t go home. He cried because it wasn’t getting better, it wasn’t getting easier. He cried because he just wanted his mom. He cried for Taehyung too, and for Jimin. He cried for the friends he had so coldly left behind for no fault of their own. 

He cried, and he cried, past the point the tears ran out, past the point his breathing had returned to normal, and past the point he went numb. Jimin just held him, silent and supportive as Jungkook completely dissolved in his arms. 

They were sitting on the floor when Jungkook finally started to calm down enough to remember himself. He was curled up in Jimin’s lap, clinging onto his shirt that was noticeably wet now where his head had been resting. 

“I’m sorry…” Where the first words he thought to say as he tried in vain to brush away the wet stain.

“Don’t,” Jimin whispered, his voice was so rough and thick that it drew Jungkook’s eyes to his face. He saw the mess of tears on his face and Jungkook frowned as he reached up to brush them away. “Don’t ever be sorry. It’s okay.” He smiled. Jungkook would never understand how he did that. How he could always smile, and even when it was sad, detached, or frustrated underneath it was never fake. Jimin was never fake.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, he was just so… lost he didn’t know what else to do. He was disoriented from crying to much, from feeling so much, and he just wanted something to feel normal, even it was conversation.

“No,” Jimin admitted, gently reaching up to brush away whatever tears were still stubbornly clinging to Jungkook’s cheeks. “I’m really not, but neither are you.”

“No,” Jungkook agreed. He couldn’t argue with that, he really wasn’t okay. He was sitting on the floor of an art store in front of a memorial to his mother, breaking down in his cousin’s lap. He was far from okay, in any sense or degree. “I don’t know how to be anymore.”

“I know,” Jimin assured him, reaching up and cradling his face in his hands. “You don’t have to. It’s alright even if you never do.” 

“Really?” He whispered, looking up into Jimin’s eyes because he needed the support. He needed someone else to hold him up because he just couldn’t anymore. It was too much. Everything was too much, and he was shutting down. 

“Absolutely,” Jimin promised, leaning just that last bit closer and pressing a kiss to his tear dampened lips. It wasn’t demanding, it wasn’t teasing, or a promise of more. It was nothing more than the fleeting brush of their lips together. 

It was offer. One that Jungkook wasn’t strong enough to refuse. He leaned gratefully into Jimin and kissed him again, clinging onto his shirt tighter like it was the only thing keeping him afloat. Right now, it probably was. 

Kissing Jimin reminded him of rainbows. Not in the cheesy overly romantic sense. But it reminded him of those days where he would see the rain falling in the distance and the stubborn ray of sunlight cutting through the clouds. Throwing the wall of gray into stark relief, illuminating the lingering rainfall and creating the prism of colors that arched across the sky. Kissing Jimin wasn’t like finding beauty or promises in beauty of it, it was the realization that no matter how dark and thick the clouds were, Jimin would push his way through to find him again. 

He didn’t know how long they kissed. It never escalated, never became more than gentle presses and feather light brushes. Not like it would have with Taehyung. It wasn’t overwhelming, it wasn’t meant to match one extreme with another. It was just enough to remind Jungkook that it was okay, that he wasn’t alone.

“Tell me about her,” Jimin finally whispered once Jungkook had calmed down enough and had turned back to look at the wall. They had both them looking at the paintings, and Jimin finally spoke up. Even though Jungkook had told him some already, he wanted to hear it again, he wanted to hear more. 

“What do you want to know?” Jungkook asked, his voice barely audible from the strain of emotions he’d whirlwinded through. He was relaxed in Jimin’s arms, looking from one painting to the next and letting the memory they brought with them play through his head. He expected to cry more, but he wasn’t and he was so grateful for that.

“Anything, everything, I just want to know about her,” Jimin murmured, holding Jungkook just a little bit tighter. 

“Mm,” he nodded and looked up at a painting of a reef, brightly colored fish swimming beneath the waves. “That was one of them she sketched out at the Zoo. There was this little fish, it was fast and so brightly colored. She just loved this little fish. It would flit between one group of fish to another, and it just never seemed to slow down, never seemed to notice that it was in a big glass box. She always told me it reminded her of me. It was her favorite, and she painted that one for him. Most people don’t even notice when they look at the picture, that of all the fish she painted, only two of them are different. Only two of them are unique, they aren’t in the center, they’re right there in their own little hiding spot in the coral. I asked her once why she painted him tucked back in a corner like that, and she said it was because he’d finally found someone to share his world with. I think she was hoping I would have dated more….” He admitted, sighing softly as he looked at the two little fish in the painting. He knew his mother had wanted him to be happy. She saw him surrounded by friends but never settling, never really belonging. 

“She always told me I was in every painting she created, but I don’t believe that,” Jungkook explained, pointing next to a painting of a field. It was surrounded by trees, and in the very distance you could see a city scape rising up against the sky. There was a kite soaring in the center of the field, but there was no one holding the other end. “I never understood that one.”

Jimin looked at it, silent and contemplative for the longest time. Finally he smiled and hugged Jungkook a little tighter. “I think it’s pretty obvious, aren’t you the kite?” 

“The kite?” Jungkook frowned and looked at the picture again, but whatever Jimin was seeing he didn’t understand. 

“Yeah. You said your mother saw you as a social butterfly, but she was always worried about you being alone?” He asked, only continuing when Jungkook nodded. “Well then, you’re the kite. There’s nothing holding the kite back from following the wind into the city, but it’s not moving. It’s watching the city from where it’s at, instead of going to become a part of it. Just like you. Watching your friends, projecting yourself as a part of them, without actually being part of them.”

Jungkook stared at Jimin in shock, his eyes wide and he looked at the picture again. That… made sense actually. He had never used to understand why his mother always insisted he seemed to so alone. Why she had always been worried about him despite how many friends he had. He had always thought his friends were genuine to him and that he was genuine to them. Since losing her though, he was confronted with the painful reality that none of it had been. There was no one from his old life he wanted back, no one he missed, or had felt like he could have leaned on. He had never let them in that far. His mother had seen that even when he hadn’t. 

“She would have loved you,” Jungkook admitted in a soft whisper as he tipped his head up to look at Jimin. He knew that his mother had loved Jimin, as a nephew, as a part of the family, but he wasn’t talking about that and he knew that Jimin understood, just like he always did. 

“You think so?” He asked, the smile that curled his lips was a sweet as melted chocolate shade of his eyes.

“Yeah, she always knew. She knew I didn’t need the city, I only needed the wind.”


End file.
